Delusions of grandeur make me feel a lot better about myself.

I don't have delusions of grandeur. We're not going to take the six-hour round to four hours just because they have Laser Link. Our goal is simply to get everyone around the course a little faster. Then you've helped the game.

Instead of working for the survival of the fittest, we should be working for the survival of the wittiest - then we can all die laughing.

Ninety eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hardworking, honest Americans. It's the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then, we elected them.

Yeah. If I looked as good as Jane, I would, too!

Why is it that when we talk to God we're said to be praying but when God talks to us we're schizophrenic?