As a comedian, I am obligated to tell you the truth, my truth. To share with you my beliefs, my pers...
DANE COOK My mother had a lot of phobias. She's pregnant with me and she was a very phobic person. So I wa...
DANE COOK I did stand-up comedy for seventeen years. I need to explore other things.
DANE COOK I have new ideas every day, and I always want to take on new challenges.
DANE COOK Vince Vaughn is a genuine person, awesome guy. He'll come to a lot of my shows. It's not tha...
DANE COOK I always thought that if I got no love at all early in my standup career, or I was god awful, I thou...
DANE COOK Nothing is a better icebreaker than a great joke.
DANE COOK When you are doing stand-up comedy, you are the writer, producer, director, sometimes bouncer.
DANE COOK I grew up very self-loathing. I was a phobic. I had anxiety. I had panic attacks.
DANE COOK I was not a silly kid or outgoing. In fact, I suffered from quite a bit of anxiety. I used to have p...
DANE COOK I say it with my tongue firmly planted in cheek but there's truth to it - being a comedian is ve...
DANE COOK No one wants to drown. Drowning would be the worst. Cause everyone knows that feeling. That feeling,...
DANE COOK My professional dreams were coming true while I was living a personal nightmare.
DANE COOK Anger has a way of seeping into every other emotion and planting itself in there.
DANE COOK I am an observer, I like to watch people. I am into psychology and people - how they act and such.
DANE COOK In school I was pretty quiet. Kinda shy until my junior year. But at home I was a freak.
DANE COOK I always wanted to be a snake. Every time I saw a snake on TV. I'd always say 'Why not me?&#...
DANE COOK We all hope for breakthrough rebirth moments.
DANE COOK I'm a late-night guy.
DANE COOK My mom and dad passed away from cancer. Within nine months, I lost both of my folks. Immediately aft...
DANE COOK My nickname for my mom was 'The Compass.'
DANE COOK If haters or whatever want to find you - I mean, some of them are so tenacious. You want to hire the...
DANE COOK I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bring a little gorilla amp and a...
DANE COOK I had the humble beginnings. I was doing comedy in laundry mats in 1992, literally where I would bri...
DANE COOK I'm glad that my parents missed one thing that was really unbelievable. They saw me hit this gre...
DANE COOK When people refer to 'Back in the Day,' it was a Wednesday. Just a little fun fact for you.
DANE COOK I'm quitting the business today. I'm going to open up an appliance store, I've always re...
DANE COOK Now I'm literally kissing your ass!
DANE COOK [An example: People want to be remembered for great things, such as contributing to humanity, he say...
DANE COOK Start each day out the holy way..with Christ Chex, it's a miracle in a bowl. Just open the box and y...
DANE COOK I do try to keep my show very improvisational. I don't work off a set list; I like to keep it mo...
DANE COOK I had a male stalker in L.A.,
DANE COOK I think there's a definite template for what can be done for the future, but I'm not going to call m...
DANE COOK If we're going to learn anything,
DANE COOK This is a dream come true. HBO is the highest echelon in the world for a stand-up comedian to attain...
DANE COOK A lot of comics are kind of vampire types; we do our shows and disappear into the night. My philosop...
DANE COOK When Napster first hit, I had a Web site at the time, so I said, 'I'm going to take 20 clips from my...
DANE COOK I would still have old ladies come up to me after the show and pat me on the cheek after I had said ...
DANE COOK One night after a show he gave me a gift. When I opened up the bag, he had made out of clay and drie...
DANE COOK Whatever you need. I'm here for you.
DANE COOK It was Peace. Peace is when you would shake the hands of the people around you. And you knew peace w...
DANE COOK I have to say I'm a massive fan of yours
DANE COOK I can do more than just stand-up comedy, and the only way I'll be able to show that is if I do i...
DANE COOK Here's the thing about Red Sox fans, or actually just fans from that region, in general: they ap...
DANE COOK If you use tact you can say anything, then make it funny.
DANE COOK When you're on a movie set and you are hopefully making a comedy, everyone's stifling their ...
DANE COOK I love being on stage if I'm not on a set. If I'm at home, I'm usually in my office edit...
DANE COOK I'm interested in doing everything and anything that I can to squeeze that creativity out of my ...
DANE COOK The little boy inside of all us men always loves something video game related.
DANE COOK I don't have to do anything for anyone else's benefit anymore. I just want to exceed my own ...
DANE COOK When something's good, I'm not an over-celebrator.
DANE COOK I don't write any of my material down. I like to improvise and be spontaneous.
DANE COOK I'm always going to be someone that people enjoy watching.
DANE COOK You have to learn the crowd. I just pay attention to them so I can make sure I can make them laugh.
DANE COOK When I first hit the scene, it was just a lot of go, go, go, go, go. I have a lot of natural energy ...
DANE COOK My fam is just a regular family. But all of them have great senses of humor.
DANE COOK I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
DANE COOK I feel like I was born and bred to stay self-motivated. I'm not one of those people who ho-hums ...
DANE COOK I don't laugh out loud at comics a lot.
DANE COOK I like fearless characters, people just not afraid to do anything it takes to make people laugh.
DANE COOK I'm shooting a pilot based on my show. It's a one-camera show. I play myself.
DANE COOK That MySpace is the story of the year. Everyone but my mother is on it.
DANE COOK Jim Norton and Harland Williams always make me laugh.
DANE COOK I get so into the moment.
DANE COOK I've always read books and loved human behavior since I was ten or twelve years old. Maybe even ...
DANE COOK When I'm looking for hot button answers to tough questions, I don't look to congressman or m...
DANE COOK I work with a lot of kids. Every year, for the past fifteen years, I work at Comedy Camp where I wor...
DANE COOK I don't know if I could rebuild an airplane engine, but I know a little bit about rotors and riv...
DANE COOK I think that people who do enjoy my stand-up comedy and the people who get it and the people who are...
DANE COOK I feel like the gods have certainly patted me on the head.
DANE COOK You've gotta share what's going on in your mind.
DANE COOK I'm focused on staying as healthy as I can so I can work more.
DANE COOK In the year 3000, everything will be instant.
DANE COOK The men were all scumbags, but the whole point of the film is to show the development of that. Each ...
TAYLOR DANE Singing and being truthful to a song... I've developed that skill, and I know how to do that rea...
TAYLOR DANE I think I was perceived in one fashion. A video is based on a song. I think you can get glimpses of ...
TAYLOR DANE I'm sure I'm perceived in a more glam way. This is my breakout if you will.
TAYLOR DANE I love drag queens... they perform me better than I ever could myself.
TAYLOR DANE I'm not going to get into the writer's skills or what he was trying to portray because that&...
TAYLOR DANE Time is money, especially when you are talking to a lawyer or buying a commercial.
FRANK DANE Television is a lot of fun. It's faster-paced. The schedule is really desirable, I guess. But as...
ERIC DANE I started going to acting school in my senior year in high school, and I remained in acting school t...
DANE DEHAAN There's a wealth of information on James Dean, and everybody has an opinion on him. James Dean m...
DANE DEHAAN It was weird - my parents would let me have some Green Day albums but not all Green Day albums.
DANE DEHAAN My parents were just really weird and protective about the music I listened to. Whenever I wanted to...
DANE DEHAAN My parents have Google Alerts on me. So they'll often times send me an e-mail and be like, '...
DANE DEHAAN I've always said that if I could do anything in the world, I would be a professional golfer.
DANE DEHAAN I really just want to continue to challenge myself. And I want to continue to grow as an artist. I n...
DANE DEHAAN Inevitably, I think the people that want to work with me are also the people that I want to work wit...
DANE DEHAAN I'm not so sure I believe in dopplegangers. I just prefer to be Dane DeHaan.
DANE DEHAAN I was a big 'Blue Valentine' fan. I really loved that movie. And I thought the performances ...
DANE DEHAAN The Prohibition era is so vividly depicted in 'Lawless.' John Hillcoat does a remarkable job...
DANE DEHAAN I'm not the kind of person that seeks out other people's opinions on my works.
DANE DEHAAN When people recognize your work and want to reward you for what you've done, that's a good f...
DANE DEHAAN The great American novel has not only already been written, it has already been rejected.
FRANK DANE A set of rules laid out by professionals to show the way they would like to act if it was profitable...
FRANK DANE Rome had Senators too, and that is why it declined.
FRANK DANE The news of any politician's death should be listed under Public Improvements.
FRANK DANE Ignorance is never out of style. It was in fashion yesterday, it is the rage today and it will set t...
FRANK DANE Blessed is he who talks in circles, for he shall become a big wheel.
FRANK DANE Where the criminals cover their crimes by making them legal. On Washington D. C.
FRANK DANE Some have greatness thrust upon them, but not lately.
FRANK DANE In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.
FRANK DANE It's the things I might have said that fester.
CLEMENCE DANE Get the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
FRANK DANE Life is strange. Every so often a good man wins.
FRANK DANE It is not necessary to have enemies if you go out of your way to make friends hate you.
FRANK DANE Remember when $25, 000 was a success? Now it is a garbage collector.
FRANK DANE A man who calls bullshit fertilizer.
FRANK DANE Nothing annoys a woman more than to have company drop in unexpectedly and find the house looking as ...
FRANK DANE A liberal is man who will give away everything he doesn't own.
FRANK DANE A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal.
FRANK DANE The great American novel has not only already been written, it has already been rejected.
FRANK DANE Preachers denounce sin as if it was available to everyone.
FRANK DANE Get all the fools on your side and you can be elected to anything.
FRANK DANE I always wanted to be an actor, but my top three favorite actors of all time are Al Pacino, James De...
DANE DEHAAN The action genre is not always the most synonymous with character development.
ERIC DANE Creating a character and living truthfully through her is a whole different ball game. It's all ...
TAYLOR DANE It's the things I might have said that fester.
CLEMENCE DANE Listen, I'm bossy. I can't help it. It's who I am and what I do. I'm pushy and I like to take over. ...
LAUREN DANE Rome had Senators too, that's why it declined.
FRANK DANE A liberal is a man who will give away everything he doesn't own.
FRANK DANE The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet.
FRANK DANE I was never referring to the city of Memphis or the players. I should have used better terminology. ...
DANE BRADSHAW The problem is you don't vote for a party. You're voting for a member of Congress. And we're a year ...
DANE STROTHER A profit like this in a year like last year is a superb result.
DANE DOUETIL Eve of Darkness LAUREN DANE In this case, the stereotype is true, guys just care more about sports. But girls do get into it. I ...
DANE WISHER Showing from the last game I don't think they are unbeatable. ASU definitely had a chance, and proba...
DANE KROGSTAD The primary objective is to have access to fruit that protects our interests from short crops. But t...
DANE LANCE The entire crop in Chile is 40,000 to 45,000 tons a year. If there's a crop disaster here and we go ...
DANE LANCE The Republicans dodged a bullet.
DANE STROTHER The guys just battled back. You have to give them credit. They didn't panic. They didn't get discour...
DANE LITKE Coach is not afraid to crack a joke in the huddle with 30 seconds left. There's just something about...
DANE BRADSHAW Ninety-five percent of the people who row on our team didn't compete in high school. Rowing is much ...
DANE BEHRENS It feels good to have something to bring to the table,” Ren said. “I will agree with that. But d...
CAMERON DANE The initial dose will make them unconscious, and the continuous infusion will keep them that way dur...
DANE GILLETTE They end up competing with some of the other arts groups, certainly with funding, that's a big issue...
DANE POLLEI We expect it to be a regular event . . . every year or every other year.
DANE POLLEI I suppose the meet ended up much closer than we thought for several reasons. First, Woodland was bet...
DANE STREET There's a strong possibility that rates will harden in other areas as people move capital to the opp...
DANE DOUETIL I'm not into being a celebrity. I'm not about to start demanding four blue candles, three black towe...
DANE BOWERS It's definitely a different feeling, but it'll be great to go out there on Sunday night and try to r...
DANE LOOKER I think with the grant status, there is dissatisfaction with how grants are managed, and that's ongo...
DANE POLLEI I know Kevin (Curtis) and Shaun (McDonald) are great players, and they're getting a lot of attention...
DANE LOOKER I think we had three defensive rebounds in the first half, which is unheard of. We had (41) points a...
DANE BRADSHAW If the real estate gang could, they'd raise the rents in the graveyard
FRANK DANE We can make this a very special season, or we can almost be looked at as somewhat of a fallout ? a t...
DANE BRADSHAW Coming up against Andy next isn't going to be easy. I shook hands with him after I beat him last yea...
DANE REYNOLDS Both Joe and Jared were captains of our team and vital components of our team's defense during the s...
DANE STREET I think we've solidified ourselves as one of the teams to beat in the country. We just have to be di...
DANE MOODY This would help fill that void for the people who live in this region.
DANE WATERS Just get in, make some positive changes, then get out. Do what you can until it's time to leave.
DANE ODA Never vote for the best candidate, vote for the one who will do the least harm
FRANK DANE The news of any politician's death should be listed under ''Public Improvements.''
FRANK DANE The United Nations is an uplifting experiment, dedicated to raising the standards of living in Afric...
FRANK DANE The timing couldn't be worse.
DANE LITKE This game tonight could have gone either way. But we were able to get a couple bounces and get the w...
DANE LITKE That's how each opponent is going to view us now going down the stretch. It's down to the wire for a...
DANE BRADSHAW Because there is no doubt that he cannot and will not suffer pain if unconscious, the remedy crafted...
DANE GILLETTE At some point when your case falls on deaf ears, you have to start looking elsewhere.
DANE LITKE I felt like we were a family and our family was being torn apart, and I didn't want it torn apart an...
DANE FIFE I remember my first year, obviously I'm a free-agent nobody and one of the last guys in the receiver...
DANE LOOKER It was more than a statement game. It was a championship game for us. We wanted to control our desti...
DANE BRADSHAW Coach gets his point across. Major will be fine. It's not just on him. It's on everybody.
DANE BRADSHAW This is the most special place on the road for me. In my mind, I know that I've won at Kentucky. It'...
DANE BRADSHAW We'll come in for timeouts, and he'll say, 'Let's try this,' and it will work.
DANE BRADSHAW It's amazing. People are starting to treat it like a football game. Girls are saying they have to bu...
DANE BRADSHAW We're well aware of that game. It was a CBS game, and it actually hurt us this year when Coach Pearl...
DANE BRADSHAW I still feel I have something to prove. I just want to continue to take advantage of the opportuniti...
DANE BRADSHAW He's part of this family. You know it's more serious than we'd like it to be when he has to miss pra...
DANE LOOKER Sometimes I feel like I'm lacking a playfulness. I envy guys who are consistently able to mainta...
ERIC DANE A lot of times, the preseason gets discredited by the fans and media. It helps so much to get that m...
DANE LOOKER It was a huge comfort to have a person who'd keep you honest with yourself and who also gave you saf...
LAUREN DANE The way to a woman's heart is through your wallet.
FRANK DANE Freedom is the inherent state of nature. A bird is free until you clip its wings and put it in a cag...
DANE WHALEN In the stillness of headstones,
Darkness is my blanket.
And forever is my song.
In th...
JORDAN DANE It was kind of funny, buttons were flying everywhere. We all laughed and gave him a Gatorade bath in...
DANE BRADSHAW Coach Pearl was telling me about a game versus Wisconsin he had. He said that was one of the few lea...
DANE BRADSHAW We've all just learned so much from (Pearl), and we're a reflection of him on the court. He's workin...
DANE BRADSHAW Going to the gym and looking for a specific result is a short-lived existence, as opposed to going t...
ERIC DANE I've been running my own pool for eight years now. I don't take a cut. It's just fun for me. But for...
DANE WISHER No matter who is in the field of 65 teams, it is exciting. Fans will always follow it, and even thos...
DANE WISHER Some people don't believe their vote counts when they vote for candidates. If you have people who ar...
DANE WATERS To me, that smells of pure politics.
DANE WATERS We want a wide variety of sizes and styles of homes. It's designed where there will be an $800,000 h...
DANE WATERS The Republicans dodged a bullet. It's a whole menu of corruption … and it's a shame we have to wait...
DANE STROTHER Kelly has beat me in every heat I've ever had against him. He left me needing two really good rides ...
DANE REYNOLDS We can't just depend on fossil fuels.
DANE ODA Hopefully we can save and make enough money to reduce rates for members.
DANE ODA To the extent that investors focus on a company's book value or balance sheets for their analysis, i...
DANE MOTT It is definitely the most significant change we've seen in pension accounting in quite some time.
DANE MOTT It is pretty striking. What you see is in a five-year period the number of options being reduced by ...
DANE MOTT We practiced with [UMSL] over break, and a lot of guys know guys on the other team. It's one of thos...
DANE MOODY Conditioning is a big thing. We have this tendency to play 30 minutes of a 36 minute game. ... Half ...
DANE MOODY We've all committed ourselves to having a good team, and we have a lot of individual talent. I think...
DANE MOODY Off the bat, everything started real well so we just built off that. And defense like we had, we did...
DANE MASON Ruben was just doing what he was supposed to do. He made solid contact.
DANE MASON I'll be 100 percent for Opening Day. The injury last year was totally different than the one before....
DANE MASON When I was in college, I didn't think about him as a head coach, but he was such a good position coa...
DANE LOOKER