Christians get trees. Jews get bushes. To stay in good standing with the Tribe, you've got to refer to a Christmas tree as a Hanukkah bush.

On my radio show at night, people will sometimes - conservatives will call and say, 'You know what, I'm really sorry I cast my vote for President Bush.' And we play Brenda Lee and 'I'm Sorry' and ask them to sing along.

I save all my good e-mails. Listen to this one: 'You liberals should be deported.'

Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.

Christmas trees are like church steeples

Christmas brings us great music: Everything from Handel's 'Messiah' to 'White Christmas,' to 'I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus.'