Cheap liquor is a magic potion that can turn you into a puppet cowboy before it kills you.

I had a romance novel inside me, but I paid three sailors to beat it out of me with steel pipes.

I've hung out in the writer's room a few times, but the fact is we've got such a good writing staff, I don't want to get my peanut butter fingerprints on anything.

A lot of nerds aren't aware they're nerds. A geek has thrown his hands up to the universe and gone, 'I speak Klingon - who am I fooling? You win! I'm just gonna openly like what I like.' Geeks tend to be a little happier with themselves.

The Kentucky Fried Chicken corporation made a bobble head of me and sent it to my management. No card, nothing.

So when you spot violence, or bigotry, or intolerance or fear or just garden-variety misogyny, hatred or ignorance, just look it in the eye and think, 'The good outnumber you, and we always will.'