Sma stopped, detached the creature from her shoulder with one hand and stared it in the face. “What?â€
“Just for chumminess’ sake,†the little thing said, yawning wide and blinking. “I’m not being rude; it’s a good bonding procedure.â€
Sma was aware of Skaffen-Amtiskaw glowing red just behind her. She brought the yellow and brown device closer to her face. “Listen, Xenophobe—â€
“Xeny.â€
“Xeny. You are a million-ton starship. A Torturer class Rapid Offensive Unit. Even—â€
“But I’m demilitarized!â€
“Even without your principle armament, I bet you could waste planets if you wanted to—â€
“Aw, come on; any silly GCU can do that!â€
“So what’s all this shit for?†She shook the furry little remote drone, quite hard. Its teeth chattered.
“It’s for a laugh!†it cried. “Sma, don’t you appreciate a joke?â€
“I don’t know. Do you appreciate being drop-kicked back to the accommodation area?â€
“Ooh! What’s your problem, lady? Have you got something against small furry animals, or what?†Look Ms. Sma, I know very well I’m a ship, and I do everything I’m asked to do—including taking you to this frankly rather fuzzily specified destination—and do it very efficiently, too. If there was the slightest sniff of any real action, and I had to start acting like a warship, this construct in your hands would go lifeless and limp immediately, and I’d battle as ferociously and decisively as I’ve been trained to. Meanwhile, like my human colleagues, I amuse myself harmlessly. If you really hate my current appearance, all right; I’ll change it; I’ll be an ordinary drone, or just a disembodied voice, or talk to you through Skaffen-Amtiskaw here, or through your personal terminal. The last thing I want is to offend a guest.â€
Sma pursed her lips. She patted the thing on its head and sighed. “Fair enough.â€
“I can keep this shape?â€
“By all means.â€
“Oh goody!†It squirmed with pleasure, then opened its big eyes wide and looked hopefully at her. “Cuddle?â€
“Cuddle.†Sma cuddled it, patted its back.
She turned to see Skaffen-Amtiskaw lying dramatically on its back in midair, its aura field flashing the lurid orange that was used to signal Sick Drone in Extreme Distress.