Can I borrow your towel? My car just hit a water buffalo.

All those car battles with my brother Ned were excellent training. Even now, on the set, if we're getting into a vehicle, I'll yell 'shotgun' first. Thus forcing Steve Martin into the back of the car.

Anybody can reach anywhere from five to 15 million people weekly making a president look like an idiot, as I did back then, or Tina Fey did with Sarah Palin... You're always preaching to the choir one way or the other.

It was pretty clear that I was a funny guy, just as a guy.

Parrots make great pets. They have more personality than goldfish.

What's funny is funny. The same thing that made you laugh a hundred years ago makes you laugh now.