Bursar?" "Yes, Archchancellor?" "You ain't a member of some secret society or somethin', are you?" "Me? No, Archchancellor." "Then it'd be a damn good idea to take your underpants off your head.
Terry Pratchett
Related Take off your coat." "Excuse me?" "Take it off." "No." "I want it off." "Th... J.R. WARD I know I'm not a threat to society or to Mrs. Ortolano. I want to be a contributing member ... ALEX KELLY After a while the Senior Wrangler said, "Do you know, I read the other day that every atom in your b... TERRY PRATCHETT -Do you want me to leave? -Yes -Do you want me to stay? -Yes -Do you love me? MALAK EL HALABI V settled back against the pillows and measured the hard line of her chin. "Take off your coat.... J.R. WARD And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.) K... DR. SEUSS No! I don’t love you! I just like you, a little. Your lips are sweet, an... ZORICA SAVRON Luck,” Jeremy scoffed softly. “There’s no luck.” “Then what?” “Your feet tak... MAGGIE STIEFVATER who are you really? you are not a name or a height, or a weight or a gende... M.K Are you still mad at me?" "Yes." "I'll go back to sleep, then." "Good. E.L. JAMES BLESSINGS ARE IMMEASURABLE You can Lose a child Or a parent, The lov... SUZY KASSEM Yeah, well, what are you going to teach me next...how to take over the world?” I asked sarcastical... JENNIFER PRIESTER When you fail, fail, and then find your 'No' in life, your Next Opportunity. When you find your next... JESSICA BRODY What's a Dullahan?' 'He's a headless horseman, in the service of the banshee.' 'Headless?'... DEREK LANDY You made me laugh at your jokes. You made me cry at your criticism. You made me shout at y... RICHELLE E. GOODRICH Sure you are," Jack replied. He sashayed up next to me, and yes, it was a sashay, he was far too dam... CANDICE GILMER And then what are your plans?” Annwyl frowned. “My plans?” “Yes. Your plans. You... G.A. AIKEN Let me get it straight. Your father was king. You were his only son. Your father dies. You are of ag... TOM STOPPARD Absolute perfection is here and now, not in some future, near or far. The secret is in action -... NISARGADATTA MAHARAJ You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself an... DR. SEUSS Jeff: I understand you guys had a good day today? Peanut: Yes we had a great day! Jose: No... JEFF DUNHAM You try to be faithful And sometimes you're cruel. You are mine. Then, you leave. Wit... JALALUDDIN MEVLANA RUMI Yes no yes no yes no? Red blue? Yes red, no blue? No red, yes no? In out, up dow... DAVID BAIRD My child, I know you're not a child But I still see you running wild Between those floweri... ANTONIA MICHAELIS to love life, to love it even when you have no stomach for it and everything you've held d... ELLEN BASS So the little prince tamed the fox. And when the hour of his departure drew near-- Ah," s... ANTOINE DE SAINT-EXUPéRY Millard! Who's the prime minister?" "Winston Churchill," he said. "Have you gone daft?" RANSOM RIGGS Knock! knock! who's there? me! me who? that's right? what's right? mee... SHEL SILVERSTEIN If you're anything like me, You bite your nails, And laugh when you're nervous. You p... TAYLOR SWIFT I will take your heart. I will take your soul out of your body As though I were God. ... LANGSTON HUGHES Silverfish looked down. "Oh. Are you a dwarf?" Cuddy gave him a blank stare. "Are you... TERRY PRATCHETT When you father dies! What then?" Lord Needham looked up from his pheasant. "I beg your p... SARAH MACLEAN Your level of audacity affects how well they perceive your idea. Audacity in asking me... JONATHAN DECOLLIBUS What about your Your 10,000 promises? That you gave to me (to me, babe) Your 10,00... BACKSTREET BOYS Wake up. If your eyes are sleeping then wipe them gently. You need to be awake for... KAMAND KOJOURI Be to her, Persephone, All the things I might not be; Take her head upon your knee. S... EDNA ST. VINCENT MILLAY Thank you," he says. "Thank who?" "I don't know. You?" "No, not me. Jesus ." DAVE EGGERS The door is cracked We used to meet like water does land no not that ... DAVE MATTHES THE INVITATION by Oriah Mountain Dreamer It doesn't interest me what you do for a li... ORIAH MOUNTAIN DREAMER I promise I'll never tell." "Don't promise that," he said in an ultraserious voice. "If t... JERI SMITH-READY When striving through a pitch-black night, if you find yourself marooned and blue, AKASH MANDAL so your father told you once that you were his princess you won't see the castle you ... HAYLEY WILLIAMS Overheard on a Saltmarsh" Nymph, nymph, what are your beads? Green glass, gobl... HAROLD MONRO Dear Jack, I love you, too. And I think I know the secret to a long and happy ... LISA KLEYPAS Tis but a scratch!" "A scratch? Your arm's off!" "No it isn't." "Th... GRAHAM CHAPMAN I tried to warn you, But girls never listen. Got your innocence insured? ... WENDY HIGGINS Make a memory with your children, Spend some time to show you care; Toys and trinkets can't ... ELAINE HARDT To A Squirrel At Kyle-Na-No Come play with me; Why should you run Through the s... W.B. YEATS It offends me when you doubt my love. These jealousies are unwarranted. If only you lived ... KAMAND KOJOURI Did you bring me a hamburger? Did I-No,Myrnin,I didn't bring you a hamburger.Bizarre.He'd neve... RACHEL CAINE I twist like a flower at the sound of your voice But you leave the receiver static ... KAIT ROKOWSKI You cold or something?' he said. She strained against him; she wanted to pass clear through him: 'It... TRUMAN CAPOTE THE CURSE May they never Return home at night... May you have no part of ... VISAR ZHITI You're sad because you're sad. It's psychic. It's the age. It's chemical. Go see a shrink ... MARGARET ATWOOD I wanna be inside your heaven Take me to the place you cry from Where the storm blows your... CARRIE UNDERWOOD A member of Parliament to Disraeli: 'Sir, you will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable ... BENJAMIN DISRAELI Time is expensive ! Then why it is free for many ?? Time is a gift ! Then why preciou... ASHA BHOJANI As so many commitments demand your time Or your shut-eye important be, Your attracti... CHARLOTTE M. LIEBEL Your subservience makes me uncomfortable.” That pissed me off. “Then you shouldn’t ... ERIN MCCARTHY Do you prefer Mitch? Or is Mitchell better?'.. .. Mitch, I say. Mitch is what my friends calle... MITCH ALBOM A Gift for You I send you... The gift of a letter from your wise self. This is the p... S.A.R.K. If I can’t be your love, then let me be a simple brooch so I may rest a while against ... KAMAND KOJOURI The aching in my chest isn't because I miss you, it's realizing that you have becom... TANZY SAYADI You enter the forest at the darkest point, where there is no path. Where there ... JOSEPH CAMPBELL I have something to tell you." "How, you have something to tell me?" "You have... STEVEN BRUST Tell me again about the girl whose hands have no color. Whose hands are completely white. ... REBECCA WADLINGER Clarabelle...Clarabelle... You worked as Kenspeckle Grouse's assistant, did you not?' 'One of t... DEREK LANDY Exactly when will you give up? When things will seem out of your hands ? When ... SANHITA BARUAH Answers to Frequently Asked Questions: Yes. Yes. No. One time in high school. ELLEN DEGENERES True sportsmanship is… Knowing that you need your opponent because without him or her, ... LORII MYERS MOTHER IS WATER I wish I could Shower your head with flowers And anoint your fe... SUZY KASSEM i'm so hooked on how your mind works, on what you notice, on everything that excites ... AVA i'm so hooked on how your mind works, on what you notice, on everything that excites ... AVA. Normal? What's that?" "How you really look." "Can you take off all your clothe... KIERSTEN WHITE you are a horse running alone and he tries to tame you compares you to an impossible highw... WARSAN SHIRE You know, you can always do a three some.” “A three some?” I frowned. “No.” He s... KIRA4INU It's a fact—everyone is ignorant in some way or another. Ignorance is our deepes... VERA NAZARIAN Good kitty" "Why do you encourage them?" "They're good kitties." "They're your minion... ABIGAIL ROUX My featherbed is deep and soft, and there I’ll lay you down, I’ll dress you all in yel... GEORGE R.R. MARTIN Miss Tick sniffed. 'You could say this advice is priceless,' she said. 'Are you listening?' 'Ye... TERRY PRATCHETT You don't know your father, do you?” I shook my head. "No. All I know is he must have had wic... RICHELLE MEAD Shigure: JUST LISTEN TO ME FOR A SECOND, KYO! Kyo: SHUT UP! I HATE THIS! DO YOU REALLY GE... NATSUKI TAKAYA I am no king, and I am no lord, And I am no soldier at-arms," said he. "I'm none but a har... PETER S. BEAGLE If you want me again look for me under your bootsoles. You will hardly know who I am or what I ... WALT WHITMAN I Like For You To Be Still I like for you to be still It is as though you are... PABLO NERUDA A wealth you cannot imagine flows through you. Do not consider what strangers say. Be... JALALUDDIN MEVLANA RUMI - مولوی If you owe too much on American Express, and your Diner's Club notes are too hard, take a loan... NIPSEY RUSSELL Rise Again One goal goes by the wayside Some watch sneering arms folded Laughing at y... KALEB KILTON Do you use 'True Will' as an excuse to do nothing? Have you declared yourself enlightened... PETER J. CARROLL -If I somehow possessed a set of videotapes that contained all the most significant events of your c... MARTHA STOUT If I'm a bad person, you don't like me Well I guess I'll make my own way It's a circle HAYLEY WILLIAMS I hold it true that thoughts are things Endowed with bodies, breath, and wings, And that w... ELLA WHEELER WILCOX Some times in our lives, we all have pain, we all have sorrow. But, if we are wise, we know that... AL GREEN A man met the Buddha after the Buddha became enlightened. The man was awed by his remarkable radianc... LINDA LEAMING Kiss me,” she said urgently. Sam’s eyes flickered with mild surprise. “Right now?�... LISA KLEYPAS Augustus: “You probably need some rest.” Me: “I’m okay.” Augustus: “Okay.” (... JOHN GREEN You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any d... DR. SEUSS I want to see you. Know your voice. Recognize you when you first come 'ro... JALALUDDIN MEVLANA RUMI Sonnet XVII I do not love you as if you were salt-rose, or topaz, or the arrow of ca... PABLO NERUDA Titus, have you ever had your heart broken?” “Oh, son. How could you ask a man who us... ZACK LOVE
More Terry Pratchett
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TERRY PRATCHETT Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot ... TERRY PRATCHETT HUMAN BEINGS MAKE LIFE SO INTERESTING. DO YOU KNOW, THAT IN A UNIVERSE SO FULL OF WONDERS, THEY HAVE... TERRY PRATCHETT There are times in life when people must know when not to let go. Balloons are designed to teach sma... TERRY PRATCHETT The female mind is certainly a devious one, my lord." Vetinari looked at his secretary in surp... TERRY PRATCHETT [And there was the matter of Dick Turpin. It looked like the same car, except that forever afterward... TERRY PRATCHETT Stories of imagination tend to upset those without one. TERRY PRATCHETT Noble dragons don't have friends. The nearest they can get to the idea is an enemy who is still aliv... TERRY PRATCHETT You can't map a sense of humor. Anyway, what is a fantasy map but a space beyond which There Be Drag... TERRY PRATCHETT A European says: I can't understand this, what's wrong with me? 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TERRY PRATCHETT One of the universal rules of happiness is: always be wary of any helpful item that weighs less than... TERRY PRATCHETT It's not worth doing something unless someone, somewhere, would much rather you weren't doing it. TERRY PRATCHETT Wisdom comes from experience. Experience is often a result of lack of wisdom. TERRY PRATCHETT This book had two authors, and they were both the same person. TERRY PRATCHETT If you don't know when to be a human being, you don't know when to be a witch. TERRY PRATCHETT Knowing things is magical, if other people don't know them. TERRY PRATCHETT Even if it's not your fault, it's your responsibility. TERRY PRATCHETT ...inside every old person is a young person wondering what happened. TERRY PRATCHETT We who think we are about to die will laugh at anything. TERRY PRATCHETT His philosophy was a mixture of three famous schools -- the Cynics, the Stoics and the Epicureans --... 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TERRY PRATCHETT The entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) run away from... TERRY PRATCHETT Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels. Elves ... TERRY PRATCHETT The presence of those seeking the truth is infinitely to be preferred to the presence of those who t... TERRY PRATCHETT I got quite annoyed after the Haiti earthquake. A baby was taken from the wreckage and people said i... TERRY PRATCHETT In ancient times cats were worshipped as gods; they have not forgotten this. TERRY PRATCHETT No one's policing their own minds more than an author. You spend a lot of time in your own head ... TERRY PRATCHETT Blessings be on this house," Granny said, perfunctorily. It was always a good opening remark for a w... TERRY PRATCHETT At such times the universe gets a little closer to us. They are strange times, times of beginnings a... TERRY PRATCHETT Just erotic. Nothing kinky. It's the difference between using a feather and using a chicken. TERRY PRATCHETT I saved a man's life once," said Granny. "Special medicine, twice a day. Boiled water with a bit of ... TERRY PRATCHETT The Monks of Cool, whose tiny and exclusive monastery is hidden in a really cool and laid-back valle... TERRY PRATCHETT She had heard it said that, before you could understand anybody, you needed to walk a mile in their ... TERRY PRATCHETT His progress through life was hampered by his tremendous sense of his own ignorance, a disability wh... TERRY PRATCHETT Just because someone's a member of an ethnic minority doesn't mean they're not a nasty small-minded ... TERRY PRATCHETT Maurice watched them argue again. Humans, eh? Think they're lords of creation. Not like us cats. We ... TERRY PRATCHETT The only superstition I have is that I must start a new book on the same day that I finish the last ... TERRY PRATCHETT Dickens, as you know, never got round to starting his home page. TERRY PRATCHETT Nothing I can say or devise, and nothing anybody else can say or devise, is going to be perfect. TERRY PRATCHETT The whole of life is just like watching a film. Only it's as though you always get in ten minutes af... TERRY PRATCHETT Seven hundred thousand people who have dementia in this country are not heard. I'm fortunate; I ... TERRY PRATCHETT It was one of those problematic occasions with long silences, sporadic coughs, and people saying iso... TERRY PRATCHETT Personally, I think the best motto for an educational establishment is: 'Or Would You Rather Be ... TERRY PRATCHETT Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder.Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels.Elves are fantasti... TERRY PRATCHETT Rincewind had been told that death was just like going into another room. The difference is, when yo... TERRY PRATCHETT The point is that descriptive writing is very rarely entirely accurate and during the reign of Olaf ... TERRY PRATCHETT Elves are wonderful. They provoke wonder. Elves are marvellous. They cause marvels. Elves ar... TERRY PRATCHETT "Why does everyone run toward a blood curdling scream?" mumbled the Senior Wrangler. "It is contrary... TERRY PRATCHETT A marriage is always made up of two people who are prepared to swear that only the other one snores. TERRY PRATCHETT Sham Harga had run a succesful eatery for many years by always smiling, never extending credit, and ... TERRY PRATCHETT It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If ... TERRY PRATCHETT It could not be happening because this sort of thing did not happen. Any contradictory evidence coul... TERRY PRATCHETT An education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs ... TERRY PRATCHETT A good bookshop is just a genteel Black Hole that knows how to read. TERRY PRATCHETT Stupid men are often capable of things the clever would not dare to contemplate... TERRY PRATCHETT The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then... TERRY PRATCHETT For animals, the entire universe has been neatly divided into things to (a) mate with, (b) eat, (c) ... TERRY PRATCHETT Give a man a fire and he's warm for the day. But set fire to him and he's warm for the rest of his l... TERRY PRATCHETT In the begining there was nothing, and it exploded. TERRY PRATCHETT Gravity is a habit that is hard to shake off. TERRY PRATCHETT The truth may be out there, but the lies are inside your head. TERRY PRATCHETT God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of his own devising, which migh... TERRY PRATCHETT