Michael Showalter quote: "Baxters overdo it. The Baxter is the guy who's going to take a girl to the best restaurant in town, having no clue if it's appropriate for her. All that matters is, it's the best. Anything recommended as the most romantic place, that's where you'll find the Baxter."

I'm not sure why I like cats so much. I mean, they're really cute obviously. They are both w...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

I've always loved going to see Broadway shows. I've seen 'em all: Rent, Chorus Line, Cat...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

I've always balked at anything that feels like a clique, even if it's not always in my best ...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

I am a big proponent of writing a great outline. That way you can avoid hitting a roadblock. There i...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

Given the current state of publishing, I think it helps to have a brand name on the cover of your bo...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

[Showalter, 35, came up with the moniker for the arrested-development archtype because he wanted it ...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

I went to college thinking of maybe pursuing a career in film criticism.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

Many fans don't have the leisure time to track my every word. They're too busy brainstorming...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

John Roberts is a Baxter. Have you seen his hair? It's parted with a snow shovel!
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

He'll cook too complicated a dinner, and it backfires. Or, he'll plan the whole night out minute by ...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

Their unifying characteristic is they're not romantic. They have this inability to recognize the sim...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

She's sweet and she's nice, she's just not Andie MacDowell. God forbid, you're not Andie MacDowell. ...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

The Baxter.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

The character of Elliot is one of a polite, chivalrous, modern Jimmy Stuart who you do not see much ...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

Michael, David and I get along very well, ... That is why we have been able to stay collaborating fo...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

Clark Kent is a Baxter. Superman is a leading man, but Clark Kent is a Baxter.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

Jeff Van Gundy is a Baxter. Derek Jeter? So not a Baxter. Howard Stern is not a Baxter. And Bernie K...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

Showalter said. ''I really liked Yaz.
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

I just made a movie. There's a kind of a banter that some people might recognize as being screwball....
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

Did you ever wonder about the guy left at the altar?
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

In each case, the minute you see them, you know they're wrong, ... The instant they walk on the scre...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

There's a Baxter in every single romantic comedy,
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

David [Wain] and I had been writing a spoof of romantic comedies, and we started thinking about this...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

[In contrast, the non-Baxter will simply go with his gut:] he has a spontaneous, 'Hey, what's that t...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

They're [the Baxters] trying very hard. It just doesn't come naturally. They don't have a gift for i...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

You really have no idea whether or not what you're writing is funny. In stand-up and sketch come...
MICHAEL SHOWALTER

Just in case you get any ideas, know that I’ll be sleeping with a can of Mace in one hand and pepp...
GENA SHOWALTER

Ten Things You Shouldn't Say on a Date.
1. You're wearing that?
2. Something smells funny....
GENA SHOWALTER

To answer your question, you want me because I'm made of awesome.
GENA SHOWALTER

What makes big boobs and perkiness so attractive to boys? I mean, really. Two round, mounds of fat a...
GENA SHOWALTER

I don't hate you.. I just don't like that you exist
GENA SHOWALTER

Once I learned, I went online and ordered every romance novel I could find. They're fairy tales for ...
GENA SHOWALTER

I’m going to my room,” Jessie Kay called. “Y’all do me a favor and argue loud enough so I ca...
GENA SHOWALTER

Bomb', Reyes said, not bothering to look up.
'One of ours?' Maddox insisted...
'Hardly. I ...
GENA SHOWALTER

I'm William, but you can call me Sexy. Everyone does.
GENA SHOWALTER

Every night death came, slowly, painfully, and every morning Maddox awoke in bed, knowing he'd have ...
GENA SHOWALTER

Roses are red, violets are blue, I have five fingers, the middle one is for you.
GENA SHOWALTER

I think what he's doing is showing everybody what (the A's) lost last year, ... It's always good to ...
BUCK SHOWALTER

He had a blister that was heating up in the sixth inning. Hopefully, he'll get to the point where he...
BUCK SHOWALTER

We're real happy with Kevin this spring. He's healthy, feels good, all his pitches are there, he has...
BUCK SHOWALTER

He might be the best pitcher in our league. He throws so hard [high 90s], and he'll throw that chang...
BUCK SHOWALTER

Everything Michael does is geared toward [the first pitch of the game]. The way he prepares and goes...
BUCK SHOWALTER

We were fortunate tonight with all the walks and the hit batter. We had to scrap to get through it, ...
BUCK SHOWALTER

Everybody thinks their future is bright. We love the potential they have. It can just fortify the th...
BUCK SHOWALTER

Kevin had a great spring. He started off slow, having a nagging injury, but he is starting to swing ...
BUCK SHOWALTER

I don't think if you go in that locker room there would be anybody who even knows about that streak....
BUCK SHOWALTER

He's a special young man. He's sharp and has great people skills. He's a quick learner. J.D. will ma...
BUCK SHOWALTER

This ring may be the telltale sign of an unseen belt of bodies a few feet to a few miles in size.
MARK SHOWALTER

Lipstick?" He arched a brow.
"I'm on the hunt for my perfect shade," I respond, deadpan.
"...
GENA SHOWALTER

Knuckleball guys are going to have their ups and downs. This was a down for R.A., who's had some goo...
BUCK SHOWALTER

The big thing was Curt Schilling, he was obviously on top of his game. We ran into a great pitcher t...
BUCK SHOWALTER

Two veteran pitchers surviving the heat. Kenny and Radke gave their clubs everything they had. That ...
BUCK SHOWALTER

I don't think the game got away from Kenny. He pitched well enough to win. We just did some things a...
BUCK SHOWALTER

Kenny was pitching well until he got hit by that line drive and he battled his way through five inni...
BUCK SHOWALTER

(Rogers) pitched well. Really well. Him and (Minnesota starter Brad) Radke are both veteran pitchers...
BUCK SHOWALTER

It's been a long trip, it obviously hasn't been fruitful. Everyone goes through periods, this is a t...
BUCK SHOWALTER

We got a couple steals that got us going, and they went cold.
MIKE SHOWALTER

I have some athletic kids. I believe you let players make plays, and you keep good spacing on offens...
MIKE SHOWALTER

Our strength is down low in the post. I like to pound it inside. When we do that it opens it up for ...
MIKE SHOWALTER

I've got a few players who were on that team. They don't talk about it much, but I'm sure they're th...
MIKE SHOWALTER

You have to realize that a lot of years have to pass before the track records and resumes make you f...
BUCK SHOWALTER

The lamp tipped over, nailing Kane in the head.
Sabin shook his head. The man was a walking dis...
GENA SHOWALTER

You are mine, woman, and I am yours. Until you, my life was desolate. I existed, but I didn't truly ...
GENA SHOWALTER

He's probably going back [to Triple-A].
BUCK SHOWALTER

You should be wearing green," she said. "To match your eyes."

"In case you never noticed,...
GENA SHOWALTER

I was even starting to relax—a little—until he took me to his parents' house for dinner. I've ne...
GENA SHOWALTER

I cast a glance in my new admirer's direction. "You may call me Your Highness," I said. "Or Empress ...
GENA SHOWALTER

My ex—may he soon discover tiny worms have invaded his body and are slowly eating him alive—once...
GENA SHOWALTER

What's that smell?"
I froze. What? Did I really smell so distasteful he had only to lean in my ...
GENA SHOWALTER

He'd asked me to marry him. He'd kissed me. Twice. He said he loved me. What a scum, rat, dog bastar...
GENA SHOWALTER

Neighbor… was that the word for "whoring tramp" nowadays?
GENA SHOWALTER

Me: I think we should have sex again.
Royce: Bad idea.
Me: Why?
Royce: I want more fr...
GENA SHOWALTER

Leap out the window, my inner Tigress cried. You aren't ready to face such a powerful Tiger. I frown...
GENA SHOWALTER

I tried to tell you. You said you didn't care, remember?"
A muscle ticked below his eye. "You s...
GENA SHOWALTER

I think we've gone over and beyond the line of caution on our part. I think Chris certainly feels th...
BUCK SHOWALTER

We were in a position where we needed a pitcher [Friday] who was capable of elongated innings.
BUCK SHOWALTER

Uranus is one of the most chaotic and disruptive systems in the solar system.
MARK SHOWALTER

The new discoveries dramatically demonstrate that Uranus has a youthful and dynamic system of rings ...
MARK SHOWALTER

The new discoveries demonstrate that Uranus has a youthful and dynamic system of rings and moons.
MARK SHOWALTER

You talk about therapy for him. It's therapy for us to see someone who's a big part of the Rangers f...
BUCK SHOWALTER

It's a basic statement that you can make that turkeys gobble year round. Depending on their mood and...
RANDY SHOWALTER

Legion hissed like a startled cat, the noise scraping at Reyes’s skin. “Me no boy. You think me ...
GENA SHOWALTER

Hate. Huh. He'd never hated himself. If anything, he'd always liked himself a little too much. Once,...
GENA SHOWALTER

Dangerous as a lightning strike, as lethal as a pair of crisscrossing short swords, William whispere...
GENA SHOWALTER

He pitched well. R.A. had good command, and he threw 14 out of 21 first pitch strikes. That's impres...
BUCK SHOWALTER

You resist, and it drives me wild.
GENA SHOWALTER

Pops: Plans for the future?
Justin: Not sure yet.
Pops: Well, why not? You don't got much ...
GENA SHOWALTER

She's a skank. He's a player. He's cute but almost OD'd last year, so he's a bad bet. She's a two-fa...
GENA SHOWALTER

Don't look now, but that's my ex over there."
Surely I'm not the only one who takes "don't look...
GENA SHOWALTER

He'll get to full throttle. He's close, it's just the everyday pounding. As long as he's not experie...
BUCK SHOWALTER

It is something that we've dealt with and I think he's dealt with it real well, all things considere...
BUCK SHOWALTER

That put a damper on the day, Mike and Tex shaking hands and saying goodbye.
BUCK SHOWALTER

What's this about?"
"Finally. Interest," was the only response.
"If this is one of your tr...
GENA SHOWALTER

Apparently you haven’t gotten the memo. I am the Ice Man. Rude, honest to the point of brutal and ...
GENA SHOWALTER

A man and wife should see the best in each other, should work together, should enjoy each other.
GENA SHOWALTER

We had plenty of opportunities to score 10 or 11 runs.
BUCK SHOWALTER

Sometimes what we want isn't what we need.
GENA SHOWALTER

If that goes well, we're probably going to take the wraps off and let him throw the breaking ball, w...
BUCK SHOWALTER

He ignored me, thank God, saying to Kat, "Let go of Frosty's leash. You're choking the life out of h...
GENA SHOWALTER

You need to look at your lineup and decide how many guys you'll be willing to pinch-hit for in a gam...
BUCK SHOWALTER

Dr. Meister definitely doesn't think there's a tear in the ligament.
BUCK SHOWALTER

We knew we could pressure their guards out front. We were just quicker than they were and we took ad...
MIKE SHOWALTER

He's been walking around all morning with his chest puffed out. Good for him.
BUCK SHOWALTER

Twenty would be a good number.
BUCK SHOWALTER

He had a little swelling starting there and that was a concern, but there wasn't anything he could s...
BUCK SHOWALTER

A guy like Figgins gets [robbed]. He's got a position, but he can play all over. He's got to get a G...
BUCK SHOWALTER

They had seen him before and that's what makes it even more impressive. They obviously had a good id...
BUCK SHOWALTER

I think we're in pretty good shape catching-wise in the organization. Sandy has done as good or bett...
BUCK SHOWALTER

Gerald is going to catch some games,
BUCK SHOWALTER

We're just looking for quality pitchers, whether it's a left-hander or right-hander. Good left-hande...
BUCK SHOWALTER

Years ago, that's how it was done. Guys came up as relievers and worked their way into being starter...
BUCK SHOWALTER

I wouldn't put any limits on him. He can be a difference maker defensively, one of those guys who tu...
BUCK SHOWALTER

What’s happening is a very stern lecture. You do not walk to your car at night, alone, ever again....
GENA SHOWALTER

Now we are free to come and go as we please, not in sorrow but in laughter.
ELAINE SHOWALTER

Marcus: Cherry?
Jillian: My ten-year-old niece.
Marcus: She's named after a piece of fruit...
GENA SHOWALTER

You wanted to drown in a woman. Here's your chance. Drown in her blood"
~Violence(Maddox)
GENA SHOWALTER

That's a poweful ability you've got there. Seriously, I was Contemplating killing Cody so we could b...
GENA SHOWALTER

The golden rays of the moon paid him absolute tribute. He was a buffet of muscles and corded strengt...
GENA SHOWALTER

She gave him a double-birded salute, and he barked out a rusty laugh. I’m laughing. Me. When was t...
GENA SHOWALTER

We have a confident feeling for what Razor [Ramirez] can bring. We have some tough calls to make.
BUCK SHOWALTER

If they talk too much, they can get themselves beat up.
RANDY SHOWALTER

That's the time when they're trying to encourage hens for breeding.
RANDY SHOWALTER

They are so socially tied that communications becomes important for a lot of things. Everything from...
RANDY SHOWALTER

Are those chocolate chip?'' Cole reaches her first and claims one.
''Oh, my godness.'' Nana set...
GENA SHOWALTER

That one where five roads come together (North Eighth and E streets), to me, that's the worst, But y...
DON SHOWALTER

I thought he really had to work for his shots. He's just a heck of a player. Those kinds of players ...
DON SHOWALTER

Josh is obviously someone we want at the line in that situation. Our free throws tonight were the be...
DON SHOWALTER

We've had our share of close games this year. All of our games have been like that. I think that hel...
DON SHOWALTER

We struggled at free throws all year long. In the end, our kids stepped up and got some huge rebound...
DON SHOWALTER

It seemed like he missed his first 50 shots. Then he came through. That's what you do with a shooter...
DON SHOWALTER

In the past, people have been nominated that did not know anything about the job or the time involve...
DON SHOWALTER

This was an excellent high school game. Josh Berry and Woody Orne had great games.
DON SHOWALTER

We set the pace by our shooting in the first half. With a team like West Liberty, who wants a win, y...
DON SHOWALTER

My boys hung in there, persevered and did good things.
DON SHOWALTER

Last time I blushed was when I smoothed my hands over the back of my dress and actually touched skin...
GENA SHOWALTER

He’d never be able to touch her, and as passionate as she was, she would eventually need a man who...
GENA SHOWALTER

We've waited as long as we can wait. Mark wants to be there ... it's very frustrating to the club it...
BUCK SHOWALTER

Yep, that's me. I know. I know. You're humbled I'm here, feel like throwing rose petals at my feet, ...
GENA SHOWALTER

[Rookie pitcher Chris Young is on track to rejoin the rotation next week. Young has been resting a t...
BUCK SHOWALTER

Apparently, dancing for him and throwing herself at him weren't enough. Apparently, she had to nearl...
GENA SHOWALTER

My fur is silky, damn it.
GENA SHOWALTER

Honestly, I'd rather be anywhere else. Even home, where my dad begins almost every conversation with...
GENA SHOWALTER

When people look at me, they automatically assume I'm dark and weird. Why can't they see the truth? ...
GENA SHOWALTER

Do you know the definition of insanity? Doing the same thing over and over and expecting different r...
GENA SHOWALTER

My husband is actually the nicest guy in the world. He's my sweetheart and best friend, and one ...
GENA SHOWALTER

The more return a guy like him gets for the way he approaches things, the more joy you get from it,
BUCK SHOWALTER

Four years ago when these freshmen came in, the team was 1-19 the year before. I kept telling them, ...
DAVE SHOWALTER

We came out ready to play. This was the first time in four years that we beat Bloomington.
DAVE SHOWALTER

This is a tough league, and all our games will be like this one.
DAVE SHOWALTER

If only Paris and the Harpies had gotten along. But Promiscuity had taken one look at the beautiful ...
GENA SHOWALTER

Nicolai, the Dark Seducer as his people called him, had been in bed, but not alone. He was never alo...
GENA SHOWALTER

He was gorgeous, and I absolutely, no question, had to be drooling. After a quick and hopefully stea...
GENA SHOWALTER

He popped his jaw, trying to relax against a new onslaught of aggression. It wasn’t as if he were ...
GENA SHOWALTER

What are you, a child? Your cock is not a toy, so stop playing with it for one damn night.
GENA SHOWALTER

How do you know they are Hunters?" Lucien asked.
"They had guns and knives strapped to their bo...
GENA SHOWALTER

Maddox held Ashlyn for several hours as she napped, hopefully reviving body and soul. Time was his e...
GENA SHOWALTER

Pin his fucking legs."
"Can't. Got his arms."
"Knock him out, Paris."
"Sure. Want me ...
GENA SHOWALTER

Thinking about her again caused his body to harden, to ready...
"Uh, I'm happy to sit close to ...
GENA SHOWALTER

Wildness had never been a part of her life. Home, work, home, work. That's all her life had consiste...
GENA SHOWALTER

Aren’t all fairy tales based in fact? You yourself are supposed to be nothing more than a myth. GENA SHOWALTER

Back off, asshole. I haven't had a woman today, so I'm in no mood for this kind of bullshit.
GENA SHOWALTER

I’ll carry you over my shoulder if I must, just as I did last night. If I’m forced to do it, how...
GENA SHOWALTER

While Maddox now believed the demon did not want to hurt Ashlyn, he wasn't willing to take a chance....
GENA SHOWALTER

Um i'm happy to sit close to you and everything, but i had no idea you would like it so much,' Paris...
GENA SHOWALTER

I've traveled all over the world for the Institute, but I never dreamed I'd meet someone like you."<...
GENA SHOWALTER

That means life itself is a fairy tale. Like the characters, we all live and love and search for a h...
GENA SHOWALTER

If I had bodily functions, I think I would have peed my pants.
GENA SHOWALTER

Pale hair fell in waves to his shoulders, framing a face mortal females considered a sensual feast. ...
GENA SHOWALTER

He would have been handsome—in a serial-killer kind of way—if not for those tattoos.
GENA SHOWALTER

I'll take the cemetery," Kane said. He didn't sound excited. Rather, he sounded resigned. "The club ...
GENA SHOWALTER

Who is she, why is she still here and when can I see her naked? Paris asked with an eyebrow wiggle
GENA SHOWALTER

I don’t even know what to say.” Aeron.
“I do. Fuck.” Paris.
GENA SHOWALTER

Knock him out, Paris!'

'Sure. Want me to spew diamonds from my ass while I’m at it?
GENA SHOWALTER

Yeah, okay. You're right. I was having dinner with Zombie Carl the other night. You know, steak, rar...
GENA SHOWALTER

Then she looked away, dismissing him as if she’d found him to be substandard.

All right...
GENA SHOWALTER

That’s my cousin, dickwad,” Agent Jaxon Tremain said from Hector’s left.
Had Whacky Jack...
GENA SHOWALTER

Problem was, he couldn’t masturbate his sexual desires away because he’d fry off his cock." Hect...
GENA SHOWALTER

Impossible. I merely brought the essentials. Clothes, my favorite boots, face cream, makeup, a few b...
GENA SHOWALTER

Giving up is the only sure way to fail.
GENA SHOWALTER

Are you suggesting I’m working with the
zombies? That I paid them to pretend to
attack m...
GENA SHOWALTER

Pops: How about you finish this sentence for me, Jason? When a girl says no she means...
Justin...
GENA SHOWALTER

And okay, fine. If you have to kiss her, you have to kiss her. And believe me, I do not envy you. Th...
GENA SHOWALTER

Everything we find now is consistent with that conclusion.
MARK SHOWALTER

The newly reported spiral is in a class by itself.
MARK SHOWALTER

It is more evidence that our solar system is a dynamic place, somewhere very active.
MARK SHOWALTER

Women are like bottles of liquor. They should be sampled,
savored, then discarded. Matrimony is...
GENA SHOWALTER

I don't hate you.. I just don't like that
GENA SHOWALTER

Never had Dallas seen the Targon more pissed. There'd been none of his usual charm, none of his nonc...
GENA SHOWALTER

Devyn: “But what can I say? I'm irresistible.”
Bride: "No, you're a ho, but the good news i...
GENA SHOWALTER

And please, don't take offense. It's not an insult if it's true. - Devyn
GENA SHOWALTER

What was worse, he couldn't tell her how much he thought he maybe might kinda sorta love her.
GENA SHOWALTER

Do you think it takes true pain to experience true pleasure?
GENA SHOWALTER

How does fear become so powerful? We can’t see it. We can’t touch it, yet it gets its claws in u...
GENA SHOWALTER

There are times I wish I were invisible. Which is silly, since I do everything I can to stand out.
GENA SHOWALTER

There’s a really stupid saying: When life hands you a lemon, make lemonade. Well, I have a better ...
GENA SHOWALTER

The moment I finish 'any' book, my feels are pretty much the same. Goes a little something l...
GENA SHOWALTER

I wasn't teasing you. I mean to keep you here forever and train you to be sinless", "Gods, how - oop...
GENA SHOWALTER

Yeah, I understand. That doesn't mean I'll obey" - Bianka
GENA SHOWALTER

She liked to steal - so what. She could kill without blinking - again, so what. It wasn't like she w...
GENA SHOWALTER

I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I’ll let you go, but don’t expect me to forget you. We’re bonded. ...
GENA SHOWALTER

Baxters overdo it. The Baxter is the guy who's going to take a girl to the best restaurant in town, having no clue if it's appropriate for her. All that matters is, it's the best. Anything recommended as the most romantic place, that's where you'll find the Baxter.

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Michael Showalter

Baxters overdo it. The Baxter is the guy who's going to take a girl to the best restaurant in town, having no clue if it's appropriate for her. All that matters is, it's the best. Anything recommended as the most romantic place, that's where you'll find the Baxter.

Michael Showalter

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