Lemony Snicket quote: "As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...]"

People aren't either wicked or noble. They're like chef's salads, with good things and bad things ch...
LEMONY SNICKET

At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more go...
LEMONY SNICKET

With a library it is easier to hope for serendipity than to look for a precise answer.
LEMONY SNICKET

There is no easy way to train an apprentice. My two tools are example and nagging.
LEMONY SNICKET

Criminals should be punished, not fed pastries.
LEMONY SNICKET

Everyone should be able to do one card trick, tell two jokes, and recite three poems, in case they a...
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Wishing, like sipping a glass of punch, or pulling aside a bearskin rug in order to access a hidden ...
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Sometimes when someone tells a ridiculous lie, it is best to ignore it entirely.
LEMONY SNICKET

Temper tantrums, however fun they may be to throw, rarely solve whatever problem is causing them.
LEMONY SNICKET

The way sadness works is one of the strangest riddles of the world.
LEMONY SNICKET

One of the most difficult things to think about in life is one’s regrets. Something will happen to...
LEMONY SNICKET

It is so rare in this world to meet a trustworthy person who truly wants to help you, and finding su...
LEMONY SNICKET

There are those who say that life is like a book, with chapters for each event in your life and a li...
LEMONY SNICKET

Shyness is a curious thing, because, like quicksand, it can strike people at any time, and also, lik...
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Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course. Piracy, for example, is a tr...
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In most cases, the best strategy for a job interview is to be fairly honest, because the worst thing...
LEMONY SNICKET

But there are times in this harum-scarum world when figuring out the right thing to do is quite simp...
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Siblings that say they never fight are most definitely hiding something
LEMONY SNICKET

One of the remarkable things about love is that, despite very irritating people writing poems and so...
LEMONY SNICKET

Most schools have a loud system of loud bells, which startle the students and teachers at regular in...
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Sometimes words are not enough.
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Unless you have been very, very lucky, you have undoubtedly experienced events in your life that hav...
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Entertaining a notion, like entertaining a baby cousin or entertaining a pack of hyenas, is a danger...
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A library is like an island in the middle of a vast sea of ignorance, particularly if the library is...
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If an optimist had his left arm chewed off by an alligator, he might say in a pleasant and hopeful v...
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There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you, and there are times to go out into ...
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It is always sad when someone leaves home, unless they are simply going around the corner and will r...
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When someone is crying, of course, the noble thing to do is to comfort them. But if someone is tryin...
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A good library will never be too neat, or too dusty, because somebody will always be in it, taking b...
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If writers wrote as carelessly as some people talk, then adhasdh asdglaseuyt[bn[ pasdlgkhasdfasdf.
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It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited,...
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It is difficult, when faced with a situation you cannot control, to admit you can do nothing.
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Just because you don't understand it doesn't mean it isn't so.
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Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.
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The world is quiet here.
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Miracles are like pimples, because once you start looking for them you find more than you ever dream...
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Deciding whether or not to trust a person is like deciding whether or not to climb a tree because yo...
LEMONY SNICKET

Today was a very cold and bitter day, as cold and bitter as a cup of hot chocolate, if the cup of ho...
LEMONY SNICKET

Fate is like a strange, unpopular restaurant filled with odd little waiters who bring you things you...
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It is very unnerving to be proven wrong, particularly when you are really right and the person who i...
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The expression 'Those who can't do, teach' is a curious one, because if you look at the world , you'...
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Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they c...
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Wicked people never have time for reading. It's one of the reasons for their wickedness.
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it is a sad truth in life that when someone has lost a loved one, friends sometimes avoid the person...
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Love can change a person the way a parent can change a baby- awkwardly, and often with a great deal ...
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Everyone, at some point in their lives, wakes up in the middle of the night with the feeling that th...
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Some of the bravest and most resourceful people in the world have come to bad ends
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The sea is nothing but a library of all the tears in history.
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The key to good eavesdropping is not getting caught.
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A successful villain should have all these things at his or her villainous fingertips, or else give ...
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The difference between a house and a home is like the difference between a man and a woman-- it migh...
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People don't always get what they deserve in this world.
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Reader: Dear Mr. Snicket, What is the best way to keep a secret? Lemony Snicket : Tell it to everyon...
LEMONY SNICKET

The right hand doesn’t know what the left is doing” is a phrase that refers to times when people...
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If you were smart," Genghis said, "you would have borrowed the silverware of one of your friends." LEMONY SNICKET

Instead of the word 'love' there was an enormous heart, a symbol sometimes used by people who have t...
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For some stories, it's easy. The moral of 'The Three Bears,' for instance, is "Never break into some...
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The world is too quiet without you nearby.
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The end of THE END is the best place to begin THE END, because if you read THE END from the beginnin...
LEMONY SNICKET

Even though there are no ways of knowing for sure, there are ways of knowing for pretty sure.
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Like a church bell, a coffin, and a vat of melted chocolate, a supply closet is rarely a comfortable...
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A new experience can be extremely pleasurable, or extremely irritating, or somewhere in between, and...
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Just because something is traditional is no reason to do it, of course.
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It is terribly rude to tell people that their troubles are boring.
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Morning is an important time of day, because how you spend your morning can often tell you what kind...
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To hear the phrase "our only hope" always makes one anxious, because it means that if the only hope ...
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Blinded following the Blindfolded
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Whenever you are examining someone else's belongings, you are bound to learn many interesting things...
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He looked like the sort of person who would tell you that he did not have an umbrella to lend you wh...
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I am heartbroken, but I have been heartbroken before, and this might be the best for which I can hop...
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It is easy to decide on what is wrong to wear to a party, such as deep-sea diving equipment or a pai...
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You would run much slower if you were dragging something behind you, like a knapsack or a sheriff.
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It is one of life's bitterest truths that bedtime so often arrives just when things are really getti...
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All the secrets of the world are contained in books. Read at your own risk.
LEMONY SNICKET

I suppose I'll have to add the force of gravity to my list of enemies.
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You don't spend your life hanging around books without learning a thing or two.
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If you are a student you should always get a good nights sleep unless you have come to the good part...
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Are you ready?" Klaus asked finally.
"No," Sunny answered.
"Me neither," Violet said, "but...
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It is useless for me to describe to you how terrible Violet, Klaus, and even Sunny felt in the time ...
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I don't know if you've ever noticed this, but first impressions are often entirely wrong.
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Yo no sé si os habréis dado cuenta, pero a menudo las primeras impresiones son absolutamente equiv...
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Pero un tipo de libro que a casi nadie le gusta leer es un libro sobre leyes. Los libros sobre leyes...
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Así pues, a menos que hayáis sido muy, muy afortunados, sabréis que una buena y larga sesión de ...
LEMONY SNICKET

Hay muchos, muchos tipos de libros en el mundo, lo cual tiene sentido porque hay muchas, muchas clas...
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Read about things that wouldn't keep you up all night long, weeping and tearing out your hair.
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There are few sights sadder than a ruined book.
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There are many, many types of books in the world, which makes good sense, because there are many, ma...
LEMONY SNICKET

The way sadness works is one of the strange riddles of the world. If you are stricken with a great s...
LEMONY SNICKET

They didn't understand it, but like so many unfortunate events in life, just because you don't under...
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...you know that a good, long session of weeping can often make you feel better, even if your circum...
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What happens in a certain place can stain your feelings for that location, just as ink can stain a w...
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Sometimes, even in the most unfortunate of lives, there will occur a moment or two of good fortune.
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It is a curious thing, the death of a loved one. We all know that our time in this world is limited,...
LEMONY SNICKET

It is like walking up the stairs to your bedroom in the dark, and thinking there is one more stair t...
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One can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insati...
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Miracles are like meatballs, because nobody can exactly agree on what they are made of, where they c...
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I love no one but you, I have discovered, but you are far away and I am here alone. Then this is my ...
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I refuse to argue with you, Charles! You're my partner! Your job is to iron my shirts and cook my om...
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Keep anyone with whom you can read in silence.
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Reading is one form of escape. Running for your life is another.
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No matter who you are, no matter where you live, and no matter how many people are chasing you, what...
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Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece o...
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Arguing with somebody is never pleasant, but sometimes it is useful and necessary to do so.
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All his life, Klaus had believed that if you read enough books, you could solve any problem, but now...
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We believe in an aristocracy... Not an aristocracy of power, based on rank or wealth, but an aristoc...
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You write poetry?" Klaus asked.
He had read a lot about poets but had never met one.
"Just...
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Assumptions are dangerous things to make, and like all dangerous things to make -- bombs, for instan...
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Is it useful to feel fear, because it prepares you for nasty events, or is it useless, because nasty...
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There are many difficult things in this world to hide, but a secret is not one of them.
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Of course, it is quite possible to be in the dark in the dark, but there are so many secrets in the ...
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Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them
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I think we'll always miss our parents. But I think we can miss them without being miserable all the ...
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We are all told to ignore bullies. It's something they teach you, and they can teach you anything. I...
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It is one of the peculiar truths of life that people often say things that they know full well are r...
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Every new promise was like something heavy I had to carry, with no place to put anything down.
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We weren't friends[...]We were more like jigsaw pieces, each of us part of the same big picture. The...
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...in life it is often the tiny details that end up being the most important.
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Summer seems so cold without you, winter is even colder.
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...there's nothing wrong with occasionally staring out the window and thinking nonsense, as long as ...
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For Beatrice, when we met, my life began. Soon afterwards, yours ended.
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Get out of my way, you cakesniffers!” said a rude, violent, and filthy little girl, shoving the Ba...
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I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I never see you again, and I will l...
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I know that having a good vocabulary doesn't guarantee that I'm a good person, but it does mean I've...
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I am alone this evening, and I am alone because of a cruel twist of fate, a phrase which here means ...
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The worst surroundings in the world can be tolerated if the people in them are interesting and kind.
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Someone feeling wronged is like someone feeling thirsty. Don’t tell them they aren’t. Sit with t...
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But I must admit I miss you terribly. The world is too quiet without you nearby.
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I will love you as a drawer loves a secret compartment, and as a secret compartment loves a secret, ...
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I will love you as we find ourselves farther and farther from one another, where we once were so clo...
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I will love you if you don’t marry me. I will love you if you marry someone else your co-star, per...
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It is a miracle if you can find true friends, and it is a miracle if you have enough food to eat, an...
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I will love you if I never see you again, and I will love you if I see you every Tuesday.
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Desperate times call for desperate measures" is an aphorism which here means "sometimes you need to ...
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In love, as in life, one misheard word can be tremendously important. If you tell someone you love t...
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Neither were you [born yesterday], unless of course I am wrong, in which case welcome to the world, ...
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One of the world's most tiresome questions is what object one would bring to a desert island,because...
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Having a personal philosophy is like having a pet marmoset, because it may be very attractive when y...
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Just about everything in this world is easier said than done, with the exception of "systematically ...
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Having an aura of menace is like having a pet weasel, because you rarely meet someone who has one, a...
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Sometimes, just saying that you hate something, and having someone agree with you, can make you feel...
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Grief, a type of sadness that most often occurs when you have lost someone you love, is a sneaky thi...
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I will love you as the iceberg loves the ship, and the passengers love the lifeboat and the lifeboat...
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An apocryphal story - the word "apocryphal" here means "obviously untrue" - tells of two people, lon...
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You may want to keep a commonplace book which is a notebook where you can copy parts of books you th...
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Everybody will die, but very few people want to be reminded of that fact.
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It is a curious thing, but as one travels the world getting older and older, it appears that happine...
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It is much, much worse to receive bad news through the written word than by somebody simply telling ...
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The hallway was lined with numbered doors, odd numbers on one side and even numbers on the other, an...
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Of course, it is boring to read about boring thing, but it is better to read something that makes yo...
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It is very useful, when one is young, to learn the difference between "literally" and "figuratively....
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I will love you as a thief loves a gallery and as a crow loves a murder, as a cloud loves bats and a...
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Of course I'm trying to trick you!" Olaf cried. "That's the way of the world, Baudelaires. Everybody...
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Appearance matters a great deal because you can often tell a lot about people by looking at how they...
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Aha!"

My chaperone looked at me like I should aha! back, but all I could m...
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Various parts of my body told me that in the future they would appreciate it if I slept lying down o...
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There was still plenty of water in the basement, and I felt it soaking me from the knees on down. If...
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It looked like something the Hemlock needed, or a piece of equipment a plumber had left behind. It l...
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But the world did not match the picture in my head, and instead I was with a strange, uncombed perso...
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They were almond cookies, although they could have been made of spinach and shoes for all I cared. I...
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It felt like the wrong thing to do, standing at the wrong door in the wrong place. We did it anyway....
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Stretched out in front of me was my time as an adult, and then a skeleton, and then nothing except p...
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It is always terrible to be told to go play with people one doesn’t know...
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The map is not the territory.
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I do what I do," I said, "in order to do something else.
LEMONY SNICKET

Nothing firms up a friendship like a good-natured argument.
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You must be all a-tingle with excitement.'
'I guess so,' I said, but I did not feel a-tingle. I...
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I thought maybe if I stared hard enough, I could see the lights of the city I had left so very far b...
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The library was one enormous room, with long, high metal shelves and the perfect quiet that librarie...
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There are two good reasons to put your napkin in your lap. One is that food might spill in your lap,...
LEMONY SNICKET

I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth. It is good to brush your teeth when you are angry, becau...
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There was something I was always very good at, however, and that was teaching myself not to be frigh...
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Scolding must be very, very fun, otherwise children would be allowed to do it. It is not because chi...
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So you’re reluctant, I said to myself. Many, many people are reluctant. It’s like having feet. I...
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The children of this world and the adults of this world are in entirely separate boats and only drif...
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A mystery is solved with a story.
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I’m reminded of a book my father used to read me,” she said. “A bunch of elves and things get ...
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You may be right,' she said, a phrase which here meant 'I’m wrong, but I don’t have the courage ...
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Knowing that something is wrong and doing it anyway happens very often in life, and I doubt I will e...
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There's an easy method for finding someone when you hear them scream. First get a clean sheet of pap...
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Don’t repeat yourself. It’s not only repetitive, it’s redundant, and people have heard it befo...
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They say in every library there is a single book that can answer the question that burns like a fire...
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How clever of you to figure that out,' said a voice at the top of the stairs, and Violet, and Klaus ...
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I'm not a stranger," I said, and pointed to his book. "I'm someone who reads the same authors you do...
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There is nothing wrong with crying at the end of a long day.
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being skeptical is a good thing for a journalist, because it means you don't completely trust anyone...
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There are people in the world who care about automobiles, and there are people who couldn't care les...
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Perhaps I had been in another world before I was born, and did not remember it, or perhaps I would s...
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There are many mysteries I have never solved, and the hair of my chaperone is perhaps my most curiou...
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It is never seven that you count to, before you do something difficult. It is never at the count of ...
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The three of us stood there for a minute. I don’t know what Stew was thinking, and the filing cabi...
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When you need a haircut, it looks like you have no one to take care of you.
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I don't know why wicked places generally look wicked. You'd think they'd look nice, to fool people, ...
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They can teach you anything. That doesn't mean you learn it. It doesn't mean you believe it.
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The trick to following someone without getting caught is to follow somebody who doesn't think they'r...
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I thought the war was a simple matter, with one side good and the other evil. But the more I read, t...
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Complimenting someone in an exaggerated way is known as flattery, and flattery will generally get yo...
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Of course you can trust me," Jake Hix said. "We read the same books.
LEMONY SNICKET

It is a lonely feeling when someone you care about becomes a stranger.
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Nobody should feel pain all by themselves.
LEMONY SNICKET

There are some secrets you want to keep to yourself, even if they don't matter. They might only matt...
LEMONY SNICKET

As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...]

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Lemony Snicket

As I am sure you know, when people say 'It's my pleasure,' they usually mean something along the lines of, 'There's nothing on Earth I would rather do less.' [...]

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