Billy Gardell quote: "As a comic, I've heard gunshots while I'm trying to get to sleep. I've performed where people wanted to do you harm after the show because of something you said."

Yeah, I've done Jim Breuer's radio show a couple times, and I heard from Larry the Cable Guy...
BILLY GARDELL

Everybody wants to be a better version of themselves - everybody. And I hope one day I can lose some...
BILLY GARDELL

I like those older theaters - the acoustics are perfect, I mean, you just have that feel of there...
BILLY GARDELL

The quickest way to defuse fear or insecurity or anger is usually humor. I think comics figure that ...
BILLY GARDELL

I come from a working-class family in Pittsburgh, whereas 'Mike & Molly' deals with the ...
BILLY GARDELL

I chewed up a lot of Florida highway when I was starting out. Used to come to Tampa two or three tim...
BILLY GARDELL

I've been trying to watch my weight a bit, but when I come to Las Vegas, all bets are off. I get...
BILLY GARDELL

I have been a big guy all my life, I am not going to lose a bunch of weight, because then you're...
BILLY GARDELL

Whenever I realize I'm being a goofball, I write it down. When I release the joke onstage, I lov...
BILLY GARDELL

Stand-up will always come first. I've been doing it for 22 years, and nothing compares to that c...
BILLY GARDELL

You know, I'm playing the Mirage in Vegas, the main room... About 5 percent of all comics end up...
BILLY GARDELL

'Mike & Molly' exists in a world where we don't just say a snarky line, make a crazy...
BILLY GARDELL

Look, you know, you can't please everybody. I'm a stand-up comic. I know that. It doesn'...
BILLY GARDELL

You need a wisecracking buddy standing next to you? That's the role for me. You got the guys who...
BILLY GARDELL

And what's great is, you know, while 'Mike and Molly' are working on their health, that&...
BILLY GARDELL

I always like to find those little mom-and-pop sandwich places, or diners. Those are my favorite kin...
BILLY GARDELL

I mean, yeah, I want to lose some weight! I'm doing the best I can.
BILLY GARDELL

And then as I got older, see, I think a lot of times with comics, your life kind of permeates your a...
BILLY GARDELL

I'm from Minnesota! I used to work Knuckleheads at the Mall of America as a stand-up. I spent Ne...
BILLY GARDELL

You start realizing that maybe you're the one night a month that people have out, and they don&#...
BILLY GARDELL

Jag vill, i mitt liv, få älska någon som älskar mig.
JONAS GARDELL

Never trust a man, who when left alone with a tea cosey... Doesn't try it on.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Being a Christian is more than just an instantaneous conversion - it is a daily process whereby you ...
BILLY GRAHAM

God proved His love on the Cross. When Christ hung, and bled, and died, it was God saying to the wor...
BILLY GRAHAM

Temptation is the devil looking through the keyhole. Yielding is opening the door and inviting him i...
BILLY SUNDAY

An actor entering through the door, you've got nothing. But if he enters through the window, you...
BILLY WILDER

Musicians want to be the loud voice for so many quiet hearts.
BILLY JOEL

I grew up in a house of no love or emotion - it kind of sticks with you.
BILLY CORGAN

I think that the Bible teaches that homosexuality is a sin, but the Bible also teaches that pride is...
BILLY GRAHAM

Behind the proscenium arch, you can't always hear what people in the audience are saying.
BILLY CONNOLLY

There are two seasons in Scotland: June and Winter.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Man has two great spiritual needs. One is for forgiveness. The other is for goodness.
BILLY GRAHAM

The death of Sid Caesar on Wednesday caused a chain reaction in my soon-to-be-66-year-old mind. I wa...
BILLY CRYSTAL

Doing my Broadway show '700 Sundays' reminded me how much I love working in front of an audi...
BILLY CRYSTAL

When I had a record deal in the '90s, that was my dream - to make an album like Barbra Streisand...
BILLY PORTER

Well, everybody faces the fact there really aren't many records stores around to just go and bro...
BILLY GIBBONS

Emily Dickinson never developed. She remained loyal to her persona and to that same little metrical ...
BILLY COLLINS

The bottom line is that any business should be a meritocracy. The best and brightest. Period.
BILLY BEANE

I'm not a bro.
BILLY EICHNER

France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't tear the toilet paper.
BILLY WILDER

The best director is the one you don't see.
BILLY WILDER

I have ten commandments. The first nine are, thou shalt not bore. The tenth is, thou shalt have righ...
BILLY WILDER

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.
BILLY WILDER

One's too many, and a hundred's not enough.
BILLY WILDER

They've tried to manufacture other Marilyn Monroes and they will undoubtedly keep trying. But it...
BILLY WILDER

I'd worship the ground you walked on if only you walked in a better neighborhood.
BILLY WILDER

Don't be too clever for an audience. Make it obvious. Make the subtleties obvious also.
BILLY WILDER

He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
BILLY WILDER

If there's anything I hate more than not being taken seriously, it's being taken too serious...
BILLY WILDER

Our society strives to avoid any possibility of offending anyone - except God.
BILLY GRAHAM

Every human being is under construction from conception to death.
BILLY GRAHAM

My home is in Heaven. I'm just traveling through this world.
BILLY GRAHAM

What really matters is how God sees me. He isn't concerned with labels; he is concerned about th...
BILLY GRAHAM

Once you've lost your privacy, you realize you've lost an extremely valuable thing.
BILLY GRAHAM

In a way, we are magicians. We are alchemists, sorcerers and wizards. We are a very strange bunch. B...
BILLY JOEL

I'm on all the apps: Tinder, Grindr, Bumble, Scruff. I have no shame about that.
BILLY EICHNER

Heaven gives us hope and makes our present burdens easier to bear.
BILLY GRAHAM

I love the community of theater. There is something about the camaraderie: People who show up eight ...
BILLY PORTER

I like Dali and Magritte. I also like the Scottish artist John Byrne, another surrealist.
BILLY CONNOLLY

Broken! Busted! Everybody has something to repair. Before buying new, let Mighty Putty fix it for yo...
BILLY MAYS

Everybody thinks the Bushes are from Texas. I've been there twice.
BILLY BUSH

It was also important for me to have a burning desire to achieve something worthwhile on that instru...
BILLY SHEEHAN

I've met a lot of hardboiled eggs in my time, but you're twenty minutes.
BILLY WILDER

It was hell at the time, but after it was over, it was wonderful.
BILLY WILDER

My Aunt Minnie would always be punctual and never hold up production, but who would pay to see my Au...
BILLY WILDER

Hollywood didn't kill Marilyn Monroe, it's the Marilyn Monroes who are killing Hollywood.
BILLY WILDER

We are on the track of something absolutely mediocre.
BILLY WILDER

Now, what is it which makes a scene interesting? If you see a man coming through a doorway, it means...
BILLY WILDER

What critics call dirty in our pictures, they call lusty in foreign films.
BILLY WILDER

Happiness is working with Jack Lemmon.
BILLY WILDER

We're seeing this disintegration of the family movie into these blockbuster things that kids sho...
BILLY CRYSTAL

I think every woman is entitled to a middle husband she can forget.
BILLY SUNDAY

The reason we are together is because she puts lead in my shoes and doesn't let me fly off the earth...
BILLY CRYSTAL

Did you ever reach a point in your life, where you say to yourself, 'This is the best I'm ever going...
BILLY CRYSTAL

Gentlemen, start your egos.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Well, the way things are going, aside from wheat and auto parts, America's biggest export is now the...
BILLY CRYSTAL

When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your li...
BILLY CRYSTAL

I've seen worse. . . . It just so happens that your friend here is mostly dead. There's a big differ...
BILLY CRYSTAL

This guy was so large, he had his own climate.
BILLY CRYSTAL

Change is such hard work
BILLY CRYSTAL

The blues is life itself.
BILLY GIBBONS

The blues is a mighty long road. Or it could be a river, one that twists and turns and flows into a ...
BILLY GIBBONS

I'll listen to anything authentic whether it's bluegrass or gospel or blues.
BILLY COLLINS

I am, as I've said, merely competent. But in an age of incompetence, that makes me extraordinary.
BILLY JOEL

If I need a cause for celebrationOr a comfort I can use to ease my mindI rely on my imaginationAnd I...
BILLY JOEL

[Does Joel feel a particular resonance with any of this year's other nominees? Sure, he says -- Paul...
BILLY JOEL

Shades of grey wherever I goThe more I find out the less that I knowBlack and white is how it should...
BILLY JOEL

I'm still dealing with the 21-year-old me. That idealist, that purist, that young, noble, and somewh...
BILLY JOEL

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints - The sinners are much more fun
BILLY JOEL

Don't go trying some new fashionDon't change the color of your hair. . . .I could not love you any b...
BILLY JOEL

I really wish I was less of a thinking man and more of a fool not afraid of rejection.
BILLY JOEL

The charm of history and its enigmatic lesson consist in the fact that, from age to age, nothing ch...
BILLY JOEL

The Capone era. That was my time. Capone was a big baseball fan. He'd walk into the ballpark lik...
BILLY HERMAN

If a person gets his attitude toward money straight, it will help straighten out almost every other ...
BILLY GRAHAM

Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else's.
BILLY WILDER

Don't be too clever for an audience. Make it obvious. Make the subtleties obvious also.
BILLY WILDER

Marilyn was mean. Terribly mean. The meanest woman I have ever met around this town. I have never me...
BILLY WILDER

I never overestimate the audience, nor do I underestimate them. I just have a very rational idea as ...
BILLY WILDER

If you're going to tell people the truth, be funny or they'll kill you.
BILLY WILDER

Bud Johnson, God rest his soul of fame, a tenor saxophonist. Bud was always a big, big, big booster ...
BILLY ECKSTINE

I did 13-something years of talking to wrestlers and promoters about why they did certain things and...
BILLY CORGAN

I have a stack of those plastic card hotel room keys that I picked up on this latest book tour. It&#...
BILLY COLLINS

An audience is never wrong. An individual member of it may be an imbecile, but a thousand imbeciles ...
BILLY WILDER

Whatever it is that's bothering me - interacting with annoying guy at a restaurant, contemplatin...
BILLY CRYSTAL

The highest form or worship is the worship of unselfish Christian service. The greatest form of prai...
BILLY GRAHAM

God proved His love on the Cross. When Christ hung, and bled, and died, it was God saying to the wor...
BILLY GRAHAM

If you are going to tell people the truth, be funny or they will kill you.
BILLY WILDER

I don't go to church. Kneeling bags my nylons.
BILLY WILDER

Try praising your wife, even if it does frighten her at first.
BILLY SUNDAY

I've always said that you can't be the new Mel Blanc by doing Mel Blanc's voice.
BILLY WEST

The mug is a tool. My ace in the hole. To have looks is the bonus on top of what motivates me to be ...
BILLY ZANE

You can't be greater than Elvis, change things as much as the Beatles, or be as original as Led Zepp...
BILLY CORGAN

A lot of great music got easily dismissed because the baby boomers threw their weight around and we ...
BILLY CORGAN

For a 6-foot-3 guy with no hair and a whiny voice, I've done alright.
BILLY CORGAN

The band is basically modeled upon what we call like a Beatles ideal, which is that the band is abou...
BILLY CORGAN

For a year now I have walked around with a secret, a secret I chose to keep. But now I want you to b...
BILLY CORGAN

Well, what we usually do is in every city we got to, we hire a fifteen-year-old boy and we turn it u...
BILLY CORGAN

Thinking about the future and thinking about the past is really only a way of ignoring the present.
BILLY CORGAN

I'm not going to die glamorously. I'll probably be eating a Twinkie, take a bite, and fall over.
BILLY CORGAN

By starlight, I'll kiss you, and promise to be your one and only. I'll make you feel happy and lea...
BILLY CORGAN

The best things in life are free- and $19.95.
BILLY MAYS

He has Van Gogh’s ear for music.
BILLY WILDER

Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage makes you an automobi...
BILLY SUNDAY

When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened.
BILLY GRAHAM

I think music in itself is healing. It's an explosive expression of humanity. It's something we are ...
BILLY JOEL

Sounds like the blues are composed of feeling, finesse, and fear.
BILLY GIBBONS

The Pumpkins love rock-and-roll, we absolutely love it, but we also think it's a flatulent, ego-serv...
BILLY CORGAN

I have a theory that the only original things we ever do are mistakes.
BILLY JOEL

France is the country where the money falls apart and you can't tear the toilet paper.
BILLY WILDER

France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you cannot tear the toilet paper.
BILLY WILDER

I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.
BILLY IDOL

Like a boxer in a title fight, you have to walk in that ring alone.
BILLY JOEL

Only those who want everything done for them are bored.
BILLY GRAHAM

America is said to have the highest per capita boredom of any spot on earth! We know that because we...
BILLY GRAHAM

The men who followed Him were unique in their generation. They turned the world upside down because ...
BILLY GRAHAM

No man ever loved like Jesus. He taught the blind to see and the dumb to speak. He died on the cross...
BILLY GRAHAM

Being a Christian is more than just an instantaneous conversion; it is like a daily process whereby ...
BILLY GRAHAM

God has given us two hands, one to receive with and the other to give with.
BILLY GRAHAM

One of the ridiculous aspects of being a poet is the huge gulf between how seriously we take ourselv...
BILLY COLLINS

Most people miss the great part mental outlook plays in this game.
BILLY MARTIN

I think my securities far outweigh my insecurities. I am not nearly as afraid of myself and my imagi...
BILLY CONNELLY

America's founding fathers did not intend to take religion out of education. Many of the nation's gr...
BILLY GRAHAM

Everybody has a little bit of Watergate in him.
BILLY GRAHAM

The good days weren't really so good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems.
BILLY JOEL

I've read the last page of the Bible. It's all going to turn out all right.
BILLY GRAHAM

God has a big eraser.
BILLY ZEOLI

I'm comfortable being old... being black... being Jewish.
BILLY CRYSTAL

I've come to realize that life is not a musical comedy, it's a Greek tragedy.
BILLY JOEL

Never invest your money in anything that eats or needs repairing.
BILLY ROSE

A typical day in the life of a heavy metal musician consists of a round of golf and an AA meeting.
BILLY JOEL

Christians should never fail to sense the operation of an angelic glory. It forever eclipses the wor...
BILLY GRAHAM

Comfort and prosperity have never enriched the world as much as adversity has.
BILLY GRAHAM

Churchgoers are like coals in a fire. When they cling together, they keep the flame aglow; when they...
BILLY GRAHAM

Hindsight is always twenty-twenty.
BILLY WILDER

You look marvelous.
BILLY CRYSTAL

An audience is never wrong. An individual member of it may be an imbecile, but a thousand imbeciles ...
BILLY WILDER

I'd worship the ground you walked on if only you walked in a better neighborhood.
BILLY WILDER

They say there's a heaven for those who will wait. Some say it's better, but I say it ain't. I'd rat...
BILLY JOEL

There's nothing better than good sex. But bad sex? A peanut butter and jelly sandwich is better than...
BILLY JOEL

Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place.
BILLY CRYSTAL

I steal a kiss from her sleeping shadow moves. 'Cause I'll always miss her wherever she goes. And I...
BILLY CORGAN

I'd rather laugh with the sinners than cry with the saints.
BILLY JOEL

What most people do is try to find a comfortable persona that they're in alignment with and the ...
BILLY CORGAN

The public wouldn't like the perfect umpire in every game. It would kill off baseball's grea...
BILLY EVANS

Muhammad Ali struck us in the middle of America's darkest night, in the heart of its most threat...
BILLY CRYSTAL

I don't know why I should have to learn Algebra... I'm never likely to go there.
BILLY CONNOLLY

In a weird kind of way, music has afforded me an idealism and perfectionism that I could never attai...
BILLY CORGAN

When you become famous, you start getting invites to parties where there are famous athletes and fam...
BILLY BALDWIN

No parent is perfect; we all can look back and think of things we could've done to help our chil...
BILLY GRAHAM

When I started out, everyone seemed to be adopting these names... Johnny Rotten, Sid Vicious. I wasn...
BILLY IDOL

I had all kinds of allergy problems with certain meats, and with fruits and vegetables with pesticid...
BILLY CASPER

I think if a poet wanted to lead, he or she would want the message to be unequivocally clear and fre...
BILLY COLLINS

I can always say I led off for the New York Yankees. It's an amazing feeling.
BILLY CRYSTAL

I'm not talking with an American accent. I haven't gone off and become Sammy Hagar.
BILLY IDOL

The thing that alarms me is that there are so many clergymen who say that the so-called 'new mor...
BILLY GRAHAM

Only when Christ comes again will the little white children of Alabama walk hand in hand with little...
BILLY GRAHAM

Nothing can stop the attack of aircraft except other aircraft.
BILLY MITCHELL

Every President I think I've ever known, except Truman, has thought they didn't quite get do...
BILLY GRAHAM

There's exceptional work being done on television. Some of our great writers are writing for tel...
BILLY CRUDUP

We've got to use every piece of data and piece of information, and hopefully that will help us b...
BILLY BEANE

The greatest legacy one can pass on to one's children and grandchildren is not money or other ma...
BILLY GRAHAM

I know my voice has a limited range of motion; I don't write dramatic monologues and pretend to ...
BILLY COLLINS

Hell is the highest reward that the devil can offer you for being a servant of his.
BILLY SUNDAY

No matter how prepared you think you are for the death of a loved one, it still comes as a shock, an...
BILLY GRAHAM

Trust your own instinct. Your mistakes might as well be your own, instead of someone else's.
BILLY WILDER

Communism is a religion that is inspired, directed and motivated by the Devil himself who has declar...
BILLY GRAHAM

A real Christian is a person who can give his pet parrot to the town gossip.
BILLY GRAHAM

Each life is made up of mistakes and learning, waiting and growing, practicing patience and being pe...
BILLY GRAHAM

Tears shed for self are tears of weakness, but tears shed for others are a sign of strength.
BILLY GRAHAM

I think a spiritual journey is not so much a journey of discovery. It's a journey of recovery. I...
BILLY CORGAN

I've read the last page of the Bible. It's all going to turn out all right.
BILLY GRAHAM

I think music in itself is healing. It's an explosive expression of humanity. It's something...
BILLY JOEL

I love Aerosmith. I love Guns N' Roses, AC/DC, anything from that era, Led Zeppelin. So my guita...
BILLY UNGER

I look forward to death with great anticipation, to meeting God face to face.
BILLY GRAHAM

God has given us two hands - one to receive with and the other to give with. We are not cisterns mad...
BILLY GRAHAM

Once you become successful, people know where you live, the type of house you live in, the kind of c...
BILLY CONNOLLY

As I approached my 95th birthday, I was burdened to write a book that addressed the epidemic of '...
BILLY GRAHAM

I think we've taken the meaning of Christmas out. People don't stop and think about Jesus or...
BILLY GRAHAM

The highest form of worship is the worship of unselfish Christian service. The greatest form of prai...
BILLY GRAHAM

Courage is contagious. When a brave man takes a stand, the spines of others are often stiffened.
BILLY GRAHAM

As a comic, I've heard gunshots while I'm trying to get to sleep. I've performed where people wanted to do you harm after the show because of something you said.

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Billy Gardell

As a comic, I've heard gunshots while I'm trying to get to sleep. I've performed where people wanted to do you harm after the show because of something you said.

Billy Gardell

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