Anyone who thinks impressions of old movie actors is funny absolutely cannot be trusted. I think it's like a law of nature.

I watched Titanic when I got back home from the hospital, and cried. I knew that my IQ had been damaged.

Do you think he's the murderer?"
"It's worse than that -- he's an actor!

The Lord is my shepherd. I shall not want for nothing. He makes me lie down in the green pastures. He greases up my head with oil. He gives me kung-fu in the face of my enemies. Amen

Humor is almost always anger with its make-up on.

That wasn't any act of God. That was an act of pure human fuckery.