FastSaying

All my life, my immediate response to emotional pain has been to make jokes. Lots of jokes.


Karen Salmansohn

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I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes,
RAINN WILSON My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, w...
EMO PHILIPS My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' head...
EMO PHILIPS I try not to laugh at my own jokes, but we all know I'm hilarious.
ANONYMOUS Life likes jokes; life is constantly making jokes, even at the most inopportune moments.
ELIZABETH MCCRACKEN I have to visualise my jokes, live my jokes, feel the audience because every audience is different. ...
RITA RUDNER My best jokes are so cheap. All I do is say things sarcastically.
ADAM BRODY I think there are brilliant jokes to be made about abortion, and we should be able to talk about thi...
CAITLIN MORAN I'm pretty emotional, ... Athletics has been my life, my passion.
KELLY HOLMES There were two things I used to do to seduce girls: jokes and music. Since I'm not a great piani...
GAD ELMALEH I love it. (Basketball is) all I ever do. My dad jokes that it's my one true love.
AMANDA HANSEN My parents are really funny. Laughter was a big part of my childhood. Of course, they tell a lot of ...
CECILY STRONG Jokes that make other people laugh at the expense of others are not jokes. They're participated calu...
JOHN B. BEJO My favourite things are jokes, friendliness and feeling comfortable.
BILLY CHILDISH I think of myself as a writer with a sense of humour rather than a comedy writer. Happy to tell a st...
STEVEN MOFFAT Well, the telling of jokes is an art of its own, and it always rises from some emotional threat. The...
KURT VONNEGUT All these jokes have been pre-approved as funny by me.
MITCH HEDBERG My hair was long with a fringe, and people would make jokes, calling me Britney and Lady Gaga.
YOLANDI VISSER A girl likes to be crossed a little in love now and then.
It is something to think of
JANE AUSTEN My way of fitting in was through jokes and making people laugh.
CARROT TOP A surprising amount of my jokes sound very implausible but are true.
JIMMY CARR This show is a lot funnier and more outrageous. There are lots more jokes.
MARGARET CHO Sometimes I use my jokes as building blocks for larger bits. I like to draw and play music, so somet...
DEMETRI MARTIN My whole family is very sarcastic and constantly making jokes.
EMILY DESCHANEL A civil servant doesn't make jokes
EUGENE IONESCO There's been nothing but discipline, discipline, discipline all my life.
CELINE DION All my life, people have been underestimating me.
HUGH CAREY I should see every script, I should make my comments and approve of jokes. I can't cringe at a show ...
CHRIS ROCK We all crack jokes, and life is one of em.We just have to make it a good one, and not a pun, because...
JAMES MATHEWS GEORGE If you want to call me names, make jokes and doubt my intentions, go ahead, because the reality is I...
CAITLYN JENNER We had about 40,000 jokes sent in by people all over the world. Here is my favourite.
RICHARD WISEMAN All the jokes in my films, the comedy, they're not me, I just try to hold a big mirror up to us.
YAHOO SERIOUS (S)ex scenes and bathroom jokes are my bread and butter.
JONATHAN AMES I'm pretty goofy. I laugh at my own jokes.
ABBY WAMBACH Don't make jokes about food.
DAVID LEAN My dad is a really funny guy, and we would make jokes about my leukemia. When my friends would come ...
VANESSA BAYER I want to be remembered for my poop jokes. Those are the most important kind.
ERIC ANDRE My brother and I had a reputation for telling real bad jokes. We told the worst jokes in town. As a ...
WALLY HIRSTEIN Every comedian comes to a fork in the road where they have to decide if they're going to make jo...
MIKE BIRBIGLIA I've heard all the jokes,
BRYAN ROBINSON I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.
TAHAR BEN JELLOUN I don't look to jokes as a balanced look at life. But they can be an indicator. Jokes work on shared...
MARC GALANTER A civil servant doesn't make jokes.
EUGENE IONESCO Well, I've been a fan of videogames all my life.
MICHAEL STRAHAN My father was a military attache, so I've been traveling all my life.
EDGAR RAMIREZ All the jokes in my films, the comedy, they're not me, I just try to hold a big mirror up to us.
YAHOO SERIOUS Knowing all the languages in the world could help you to really understand all the jokes you can hea...
IVAN STOIKOV 'St. Elmo's Fire' is one of my favorite films. I like the storytelling of those teenage ...
JAMES MCAVOY Vegas has the Whitman's Sampler of audiences. They come from all different places, so you have t...
HAL SPARKS I've always been 'ethnic friend,' without any serious moments, all jokes.
AL MADRIGAL I tell jokes, chat with people, and make stuff.
AISHA TYLER My favorite moments are the moments everyone cries over. I see people in the audience crying, and I ...
DOUGLAS CARTER BEANE Were it not for my little jokes, I could not bear the burdens of this office.
ABRAHAM LINCOLN I now have two different audiences. There's the one that has been watching my action films for 2...
JACKIE CHAN I was pretty locked up emotionally as a kid - my family situation was tumultuous. But I was extrover...
LINDSAY WAGNER I have lived most my life with chronic inflammation and constant pain with immediate diarrhea.
MIKE MCCREADY It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.
RICK RIORDAN I am edgy, raw, offensive, vulgar, untruthful, but intelligent. My jokes are always realistic. I do ...
VIR DAS Any time you can build jokes around a story that resonates on an emotional level, it is going to hav...
WILL ARNETT I have always loved really dense, complicated stories with lots of layers, tons of obscure literary ...
ALETHEA KONTIS I can't tell a joke to save my soul. It's just not my thing, though I love to listen to joke...
CAROL BURNETT Yes, I would say my comedy is grunge, evidenced by the fact my jokes have put an end to big-hair gla...
JOEL MCHALE I didn't want to do a throwaway, mindless movie with fart jokes just to make 6-year-olds laugh. ...
FRED DURST I loved Omar Vizquel. He tells some really long jokes, and he has his own way of telling them, but h...
STEVE FINLEY When my muffin top makes an appearance after a dedicated weekend of pizza indulging, when I feel too...
MICHELLE ELAINE KENNEDY In polite society one laughs at all the jokes, including the ones one has heard before.
FRANK DANE My dog was with me all the time. I talked to my dog. She was my best buddy. I shared all my secrets ...
CATHY GUISEWITE I like to make jokes; I consider myself a funny person. I just think making jokes about people who a...
MARIA SHRIVER I am all for jokes, I am all for laughter.
BHAGWAN SHREE RAJNEESH When people told jokes today, they never made me laugh. One look from my dog, and it made my day.
ELLYN GRACE The fact that the vice president shot someone at close range is very interesting. It is easy to mock...
ALEX JONES ABC has told me that a sponsor has complained about my making anti-Nixon jokes. I would just like to...
RICHARD DAWSON He loved to tell bad jokes.
CHARLIE YOUNG Jokes are better than war. Even the most aggressive jokes are better than the least aggressive wars....
GEORGE MIKES The response to 'The Greatest Generation' and the books that followed has been one of the mo...
TOM BROKAW The untented Kosmos my abode,
I pass, a wilful stranger:
My mistress still the open road R.L.S. I don't make jokes. I just watch government and report the facts.
WILL ROGERS Life isn't perfect. It's not supposed to be. We all make mistakes. You bash your head against the wa...
KAREN WHITE The jokes are great but what really matters for a comedian is his performance, his whole attitude, a...
JACK DEE Small things make me happy, and I laugh out loud on the silliest of jokes!
DIVYANKA TRIPATHI My son jokes with me that he thinks I Google the word 'sad' to come up with book ideas.
PATRICIA MCCORMICK Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee and I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.
ROBERT FROST Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.
ROBERT FROST I crack jokes and play games and that's really more my nature than being cold.
BERNHARD LANGER I don't want to be on the road all my life.
AARON NEVILLE Jokes are grievances.
MARSHALL MCLUHAN I live my life progressing for nothing else but the best.
JONATHAN ANTHONY BURKETT Nothing is a joke with me. It just all comes out like one.
LORRIE MOORE The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.
DAVID OGILVY I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
WILL ROGERS The best ideas come as jokes. Make your thinking as funny as possible.
DAVID M. OGILVY I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
WILL SMITH I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ...
KATHY GRIFFIN I'd always be the kid up singing and dancing and telling jokes and fooling around, and high energy. ...
DOMINIC MONAGHAN My husband jokes that I'll invite people over for dinner and he won't know who they are or w...
CARRIE-ANNE MOSS Man, after all my grandma put into me learning the piano, that was a hard day, telling her I was tel...
JAMIE FOXX It seems to me that the good lord in his infinate wisdom gave us three things to make life bearable-...
ROBYN DAVIDSON Water jokes about the obstacles on its way; wise man jokes about the obstacles on his way!
MEHMET MURAT ILDAN That, my dear Liv, was confidence. Talk to someone. Make jokes with them. Seem interested in what th...
DANIKA STONE Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee
And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me.
ROBERT FROST

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KAREN FINERMAN As a teenager, rather than setting myself on a course to pursue fame (quite common growing up in L.A...
KAREN FINERMAN Serendipity is nice, but hoping for luck and the magic of happenstance shouldn't be an excuse fo...
KAREN FINERMAN It's OK to have a plan, to invest in your future - for your financial security, your love life, ...
KAREN FINERMAN I'm pretty obsessed with 'The Real Housewives of New Jersey.' I usually watch it on the ...
KAREN FAIRCHILD I like for my home to reflect my fashion. I love adding earthy pieces to something very glamorous, a...
KAREN FAIRCHILD Music can be such a vulnerable thing, so when you're delivering a vocal or writing a piece of mu...
KAREN FAIRCHILD My favorite big city would have to be Chicago. I lived in Indiana for several years and would always...
KAREN FAIRCHILD The greatest thing about being in a band, and the strength of having companionship and collaboration...
KAREN FAIRCHILD There's nothing better than a glass of wine, a girlfriend, and a long talk.
KAREN FAIRCHILD I feel like somehow I'm living my life mentally in reverse. It's taken me to my 30s to feel ...
KAREN ELSON I just love vintage. I have far too many vintage dresses.
KAREN ELSON Ultimately, I've learned to pride myself on being quirky. I very much adore people who are outca...
KAREN ELSON I was always the weirdo at school.
KAREN ELSON Being a model, you're always the product of somebody else's vision.
KAREN ELSON I am a woman. I go on set, and I'll be who I am, and I'll represent who I am. I think it com...
KAREN ELSON There was this moment, particularly after I had my first child, where I felt like, 'I don't ...
KAREN ELSON I've been writing songs since I was at least 20. That's what I wanted to do before I became ...
KAREN ELSON It's time to give back; you know, I've lived in this beautiful world of fashion for so long,...
KAREN ELSON It's just this huge sense of relief I have with myself right now... It took me to be 31 to go, &...
KAREN ELSON I knew I had more in me than just standing up and having my picture taken... Being in the studio, I ...
KAREN ELSON