All I wanted was you. I tore down my wall for you. Now it's been rebuilt.

Some crazy man came up to me and started screaming at me about how he hated Allah, and before I could tell him that my family was part of the Catholic Church in India, he knifed me.

Your lies are like a silent fart. Can't see 'em, but
I can smell 'em.

Can I buy you a drink when you get off?"

"I don't drink. Alcohol is bad for my legs."

"Do they swell?"

"No, they spread.

Some people are just so happy to get published to, they sign anything. Next thing you know, they've signed over the rights to their book.

I want those young whipper-snappers to know that in days past we actually used to kill trees and make those things called books.