Dennis Miller quote: "After seven years of marriage, I'm sure of two things -- first, never wallpaper together, and second, you'll need two bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in."

Technology is fine. . ., but that popular vision of the future, where you plug somebody in and leav...
DENNIS MILLER

After seven years of marriage, I'm sure of two things -- first, never wallpaper together, and second...
DENNIS MILLER

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
DENNIS MILLER

A recent conversation: Dubya: Look at the clock, time is racing! Cheney: That's the second hand, Geo...
DENNIS MILLER

The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.
DENNIS MILLER

I'm one of the more pessimistic cats on the planet. I make Van Gogh look like a rodeo clown.
DENNIS MILLER

I want to help the helpless, but I don't want to help the clueless.
DENNIS MILLER

Joan Rivers telling Lauren Bacall her dress is all wrong is like Carrot Top telling Lenny Bruce he n...
DENNIS MILLER

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven.
DENNIS MILLER

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
DENNIS MILLER

What's so touching is the way we fight the war right until the moment our business is taken care...
DENNIS MILLER

What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully ...
DENNIS MILLER

Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a...
DENNIS MILLER

Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many con...
DENNIS MILLER

If you get to be thirty-five and your job still involves wearing a name tag, you've probably made ...
DENNIS MILLER

I'd say the chances are about 50-50 that humanity will be extinct or nearly extinct within 50 years....
DENNIS MILLER

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.
DENNIS MILLER

I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian.
DENNIS MILLER

Somebody can say they don't understand why somebody drifts. But I've always found people who...
DENNIS MILLER

Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece...
DENNIS MILLER

We should fight to preserve a country where people such as Michael Moore get to miss the point as ba...
DENNIS MILLER

A lot of people voting for Pat Buchanan say they are doing so to send a message. Apparently that mes...
DENNIS MILLER

I have the distinction of speaking to you from one of the few countries that still has a communist p...
DENNIS MILLER

We need anything politically important rationed out like Pez: small, sweet, and coming out of a funn...
DENNIS MILLER

Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across t...
DENNIS MILLER

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's hi...
DENNIS MILLER

If some unemployed punk in New Jersey, can get a cassette to make love to Elle McPherson for $19.95,...
DENNIS MILLER

Washington, DC is to lying what Wisconsin is to cheese.
DENNIS MILLER

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you know that ...
DENNIS MILLER

You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only on...
DENNIS MILLER

There is a chalk outline being drawn around common sense, and most people cannot even identify the v...
DENNIS MILLER

If you could use the Internet somehow to see how a Fiji sailor is doing, rather than having to read ...
DENNIS MILLER

Here in Hollywood you can actually get a marriage license printed on an Etch-A-Sketch.
DENNIS MILLER

He admitted this was stupid. It's a very serious offense. I wouldn't consider it a prank. ... It cou...
DENNIS MILLER

Those people need to invent perfume
DENNIS MILLER

A new poll shows that Senator Kerry's support in the South is strongest amongst blacks. Kerry's appe...
DENNIS MILLER

Parenting is the most important job on the planet next to keeping Gary Busey off the nation's highwa...
DENNIS MILLER

President Bush gave his first-ever presidential radio address in both English and Spanish. Reaction ...
DENNIS MILLER

The radical right is so homophobic that they're blaming global warming on the AIDS quilt.
DENNIS MILLER

The Soviet Union, which has complained recently about alleged anti-Soviet themes in American adverti...
DENNIS MILLER

I rant, therefore I am.
DENNIS MILLER

It's ironic that in our culture everyone's biggest complaint is about not having enough time; yet no...
DENNIS MILLER

If Clinton had only attacked terrorism as much as he attacks George Bush we wouldn't be in this prob...
DENNIS MILLER

The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States....
DENNIS MILLER

Never ever discount the idea of marriage. Sure, someone might tell you that marriage is just a piece...
DENNIS MILLER

There's no doubt about it, show business lures the people who didn't get enough love, attention, or ...
DENNIS MILLER

The only way the French are going in is if we tell them we found truffles in Iraq.
DENNIS MILLER

Trends don't mean anything to me. If I like something, I'll do it. If I don't, I won't do it, and I ...
DENNIS MILLER

Born again?! No, I'm not. Excuse me for getting it right the first time.
DENNIS MILLER

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
DENNIS MILLER

I lapsed into rude.
DENNIS MILLER

And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers w...
DENNIS MILLER

There's nothing wrong with being shallow as long as you're insightful about it.
DENNIS MILLER

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.
DENNIS MILLER

I still feel pangs of remorse over an insidious habit I've had since I was a teenager. About three t...
DENNIS MILLER

That field goal attempt was so far to the left it nearly decapitated Lyndon LaRouche
DENNIS MILLER

We are simultaneously the most hated, loved, feared and admired nation on this planet. In short, we ...
DENNIS MILLER

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
DENNIS MILLER

I've always loved the flirtatious tango of consonants and vowels, the sturdy dependability of nouns ...
DENNIS MILLER

Sure, the lion is king of the junglebut airdrop him into Antarctica,& he's just a penguin's bitch
DENNIS MILLER

Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand
DENNIS MILLER

You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven okay?
DENNIS MILLER

German reunification: I view this in much the same way I view a possible Dean Martin - Jerry Lewis r...
DENNIS MILLER

Quote: You've got bad eating habits if you use a grocery cart in 7-Eleven okay?

DENNIS MILLER

Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you ...
DENNIS MILLER

Human beings are human beings. They say what they want, don't they? They used to say it across the f...
DENNIS MILLER

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.
DENNIS MILLER

Now, I don't want to get off on a rant here, but guilt is simply God's way of letting you kn...
DENNIS MILLER

Elected office holds more perks than Elvis' nightstand.
DENNIS MILLER

Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.
DENNIS MILLER

One man's Voltaire is another man's Screech.
DENNIS MILLER

A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
DENNIS MILLER

Remember, when you connect with another computer, you're connecting to every computer that computer ...
DENNIS MILLER

The average American's day planner has fewer holes in it than Ray Charles's dart board.
DENNIS MILLER

I'm a comedian, for God's sake. Viewers shouldn't trust me. And you know what? They'...
DENNIS MILLER

For some offenses, there is only retribution." Nora Hawks, "One Woman's Vengeance.
DENNIS R. MILLER

Discourse has ended in America. It's all just shouting and ranting and demonization. Do you know...
FELIX DENNIS

Goodness is about character - integrity, honesty, kindness, generosity, moral courage, and the like....
DENNIS PRAGER

What I find is that we're all human beings and that it's all very similar, what we believe. ...
DENNIS QUAID

I've done three Broadway shows; once the curtain goes up, that's it. I mean, you prepare and...
DENNIS CHRISTOPHER

My first Broadway show was with Elizabeth Taylor and Maureen Stapleton. Maureen Stapleton, a legend ...
DENNIS CHRISTOPHER

I've had the good fortune of working with some amazing people. I mean, my first Broadway show wa...
DENNIS CHRISTOPHER

The thing I wonder about is where does Brian's creative spark come from? Not his subjects or any...
DENNIS WILSON

Brian was the oldest, I was in the middle and Carl was the baby. I was the troublemaker. Brian got g...
DENNIS WILSON

When I first came up, the bullpen was pretty much where they put the guys who couldn't start.
DENNIS ECKERSLEY

More harm was done in the 20th century by faceless bureaucrats than tyrant dictators.
DENNIS PRAGER

One way we gave small businesses more money to invest was by extending tax provisions on expensing. ...
DENNIS HASTERT

In jail I was just like everybody else, I was sitting there praying, feeling caged.
DENNIS RODMAN

Yes, if I had it my way I would do all the shots myself - I used to do that when I was just a camera...
DENNIS MUREN

I go out there and get my eyes gouged, my nose busted, my body slammed. I love the pain of the game.
DENNIS RODMAN

As adults, we do know more, but we don't know enough. People can be very unthinkingly callous.
DENNIS POTTER

I directed a movie back in the '90s which had calf roping in it, and I got into it quite a bit b...
DENNIS QUAID

There is never a time in a company's history when cost control can be relegated to the back burn...
FELIX DENNIS

I always want to find the best burger in town.
DENNIS QUAID

'Great Expectations' has been described as 'Dickens's harshest indictment of society...
FELIX DENNIS

The vast majority of free verse is ghastly. Utterly ghastly. No one reads it. No one listens to it.
FELIX DENNIS

I thoroughly object to getting old. If you could let me be 16 again, I'd give you everything I&#...
FELIX DENNIS

You cannot be seeking yourself when you're making money.
FELIX DENNIS

There are as many forms of happiness as sorrow, though most prove fleeting.
FELIX DENNIS

The age of celebrity editors and monstrous staffing are over.
FELIX DENNIS

You shouldn't go around the world behaving ruthlessly when you don't have to. Sometimes you ...
FELIX DENNIS

I am a born-again atheist, so there isn't going to be a funeral. I will be buried in a linen wra...
FELIX DENNIS

Overhead will eat you alive if not constantly viewed as a parasite to be exterminated. Never mind th...
FELIX DENNIS

The planet doesn't require saving, and actually hasn't asked Greenpeace to save it.
FELIX DENNIS

There are far too many people in university in Britain. If you want to make money, be a plumber.
FELIX DENNIS

Making money is certainly the one addiction I cannot shake.
FELIX DENNIS

America is an empire. I hope you know that now. All empires, by definition, are bumbling, shambolic,...
FELIX DENNIS

Nobody could like Donald Trump, surely, except his mother. No one really likes The Donald. But how c...
FELIX DENNIS

Good ideas are like Nike sports shoes. They may facilitate success for an athlete who possesses them...
FELIX DENNIS

I think having a great idea is vastly overrated. I know it sounds kind of crazy and counterintuitive...
FELIX DENNIS

It's a long, slow sunset for ink-on-paper magazines, but sunsets can produce vast sums of money.
FELIX DENNIS

You have to persuade yourself that you absolutely don't care what happens. If you don't care...
FELIX DENNIS

I was a really avid bowler when I was a teenager. I had about a 210-220 average. I had blisters on m...
DENNIS QUAID

When I was a kid going to the movies, we'd go because Bogart was in the movie, or Cagney, or Joh...
DENNIS FARINA

When you break up, your whole identity is shattered. It's like death.
DENNIS QUAID

To get what you want, STOP doing what isn't working.
DENNIS WEAVER

It was an awesome place to play and I made a lot of friends here.
ADAM DENNIS

A few times I wanted to leave my net to move the puck up but I wasn't sure where it was coming from,...
ADAM DENNIS

You can't really change anything game to game so you just try to go in relaxed.
ADAM DENNIS

No, my superstition might be not having any. Come playoff time, you like to get into routines, but t...
ADAM DENNIS

From the start of the year, 40 wins was a goal of mine and it just happened that 41 was the league r...
ADAM DENNIS

That wasn't a friendly thing. He shot the puck down the ice at me so I fired it back.
ADAM DENNIS

I didn't play very well. He's a good goalie and deserved a chance to play. I just feel like I let th...
ADAM DENNIS

Your marriage moves toward a state of isolation. Unless you lovingly and energetically nurture your ...
DENNIS RAINEY

The secret to success is to start from scratch and keep on scratching.
DENNIS GREEN

Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are a good person is a little like expecting a ...
DENNIS WHOLEY

There's something ugly about the flawless.
DENNIS LEHANE

See, I can talk to the pretty man like a real grown up if I try hard enough.
DENNIS SHARPE

Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in ...
DENNIS FRAKES

Writing isn't hard. It isn't any harder than ditch-digging.
PATRICK DENNIS

Fifty percent of life in the N.B.A. is sex. The other fifty percent is money.
DENNIS RODMAN

A man who could make so vile a pun would not scruple to pick a pocket.
JOHN DENNIS

You want to hear about insanity? I was found running naked through the jungles in Mexico. At the Mex...
DENNIS HOPPER

There's a compelling reason to master information and news. Clearly there will be better job and fin...
EVERETTE DENNIS

For lack of a better term, they've labeled me a sex symbol. It's flattering and it should happen to ...
DENNIS FRANZ

Both the Moral Majority, who are recycling medieval language to explain AIDS, and those ultra-leftis...
DENNIS ALTMAN

My goal in sailing isn't to be brilliant or flashy in individual races, just to be consistent over t...
DENNIS CONNER

How a society channels male aggression is one of the greatest questions as to whether that society w...
DENNIS PRAGER

The larger the state, the more callous it becomes... the colder its heart. It is also true that the ...
DENNIS PRAGER

Liberals tend to put the onus of your success on society and conservatives on you and your family.
DENNIS PRAGER

One of the great mind destroyers of college education is the belief that if it's very complex, it's ...
DENNIS PRAGER

Complexity and profundity have been equated by the academic culture just as fame and significance ha...
DENNIS PRAGER

My tragic view of life... leads me to have little patience with the chronic complaining I hear in mo...
DENNIS PRAGER

Any child can tell you that the sole purpose of a middle name is so he can tell when he's really in ...
DENNIS FAKES

Those who believe in nothing are very, very jealous and angry at those who believe in something.
DENNIS PRAGER

Given the amount of unjust suffering and unhappiness in the world, I am deeply grateful for, sometim...
DENNIS PRAGER

In much of the West, the well educated have been taught to believe that they can know nothing and th...
DENNIS PRAGER

Those who are compassionate when they should be tough will be tough when they should be compassionat...
DENNIS PRAGER

If your religion doesn't teach you the difference between good and evil, your religion is worse than...
DENNIS PRAGER

Unhappy, let alone angry, religious people provide more persuasive arguments for atheism and secular...
DENNIS PRAGER

See, how these rascals use me! They will not let my play run; and yet they steal my thunder.
JOHN DENNIS

Abstinence makes the heart grow fonder for someone else
DENNIS WOLFBERG

Very rarely do people make big compromises with their integrity. Almost every compromise is a small ...
DENNIS PRAGER

I'm not getting involved in sports anymore, except on film. I'm not agile unless a camera...
DENNIS CHRISTOPHER

I was so emotional. Choked up. I could hardly talk all day. I'll be cleaning out my trailer and ...
DENNIS FRANZ

Successful diplomacy is an alignment of objectives and means.
DENNIS ROSS

Even non-democratic allies no longer trust America. Barack Obama has alienated our most important an...
DENNIS PRAGER

The fact is that, except for those very few whose wealth is overwhelmingly or entirely inherited, th...
DENNIS PRAGER

For the Left, affluence is won, not earned.
DENNIS PRAGER

Once enough Americans reacquaint themselves with Americanism, we should promote it to all countries ...
DENNIS PRAGER

My buddies are like, 'You live the most amazing life!' Well, I'm working like a dog. I c...
DENNIS CROWLEY

Since neither black animosity nor the Left's falsehood of 'racial tensions' is based on ...
DENNIS PRAGER

Once one understands that 'racial tensions' is a euphemism for a black animosity toward whit...
DENNIS PRAGER

I have never written that there is a threat of fascism in America. I always considered the idea over...
DENNIS PRAGER

We owe our troops more than rhetoric; we owe them a real plan. The Administration has yet to put for...
DENNIS CARDOZA

Our two biggest rivals had adjusted their whole season to this one aim of beating us. Of course, it ...
DENNIS BERGKAMP

I've been busy for years, buying land, often under pseudonyms, and planting trees on it. All the...
FELIX DENNIS

When I was a kid, we never heard of smog, ozone depletion, acid rain, green house gasses.
DENNIS WEAVER

What is negotiation but the accumulation of small lies leading to advantage?
FELIX DENNIS

There have been huge Muslim demonstrations against cartoons depicting Muhammad and any other perceiv...
DENNIS PRAGER

I learned a lot I wouldn't have learned roaming the streets of Dallas.
DENNIS RODMAN

Poetry is plucking at the heartstrings, and making music with them.
DENNIS GABOR

Happiness is dependent on self-discipline. We are the biggest obstacles to our own happiness. It is ...
DENNIS PRAGER

People who get trapped in the tunnel vision of making money think that is all there is to life.
FELIX DENNIS

Whatever feminists may say about their only advocating choices, everyone knows the truth: Feminism r...
DENNIS PRAGER

Yet, while producing increasingly selfish people, the mantra of the Left, and therefore of the unive...
DENNIS PRAGER

With the demise of the biblical religions that have provided the American people with their core val...
DENNIS PRAGER

Corruption is Africa's greatest problem. Not poverty. Not lack of riches. Not racism.
DENNIS PRAGER

There was a time when liberalism was identified with anti-Communism. But the Vietnam War led liberal...
DENNIS PRAGER

In the biblical worldview, the purpose of all creation is to benefit man. This anthropocentric view ...
DENNIS PRAGER

When Jews left Judaism, they didn't stop being religious. They simply swapped God-based Judaism ...
DENNIS PRAGER

For some reason, the evolutionists have not come up with an evolution-based explanation for why huma...
DENNIS PRAGER

The essence of the Hebrew Bible, transmitted by Christianity, is separation: between life and death,...
DENNIS PRAGER

Of all the characteristics needed for both a happy and morally decent life, none surpasses gratitude...
DENNIS PRAGER

Hamas is a terrorist organization dedicated to annihilating the Jewish state. It runs a theocratic t...
DENNIS PRAGER

There is no limit to suffering human beings have been willing to inflict on others, no matter how in...
DENNIS PRAGER

If your religion doesn't teach you the difference between good and evil, your religion is worse ...
DENNIS PRAGER

There's a lot more power in calm than in vituperation.
DENNIS PRAGER

For the Left, tolerance does not mean tolerance. It means first, acceptance. And second, celebration...
DENNIS PRAGER

Complaining not only ruins everybody else's day, it ruins the complainer's day, too. The mor...
DENNIS PRAGER

As you get older and wiser you realize that when people are given anything without having to earn it...
DENNIS PRAGER

This life is like a swimming pool. You dive into the water, but you can't see how deep it is.
DENNIS RODMAN

I think first impressions are important when you pick up a script.
DENNIS FARINA

Rather than dividing the world between good and evil, the Left divided the world in terms of economi...
DENNIS PRAGER

Between the three, Facebook is literally everyone I've ever shaken hands with at a conference or...
DENNIS CROWLEY

Coming back to a television series puts you back in the limelight and gives you a platform for your ...
DENNIS WEAVER

If we had a hydrogen economy worldwide, every nation on earth could create its own energy source to ...
DENNIS WEAVER

We're the only species that have crapped up the planet and the only species that can clean it up...
DENNIS WEAVER

I feel responsible; I feel I've got to do something that will leave the kids a place where they ...
DENNIS WEAVER

When we realize we can make a buck cleaning up the environment, it will be done!
DENNIS WEAVER

After seven years of marriage, I'm sure of two things -- first, never wallpaper together, and second, you'll need two bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.

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Dennis Miller

After seven years of marriage, I'm sure of two things -- first, never wallpaper together, and second, you'll need two bathrooms . . . both for her. The rest is a mystery, but a mystery I love to be involved in.

Dennis Miller

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