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ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.If I were a jolly archbishop, On Fridays I'd eat all the fish up -- Salmon and flounders and smelts; On other days everything else. --Jodo Rem


Ambrose Bierce

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ARCHBISHOP, n. An ecclesiastical dignitary one point holier than a bishop.
AMBROSE BIERCE I like to open for a band as it brings on sort of a challenge and it makes things more interesting. ...
KELLY JONES There are four kinds of homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.” ~ Ambrose ...
J.J. MCAVOY I eat very well. I cook for my family every night. We eat a variety of things, including chicken, fi...
ALICIA COPPOLA I have, alas, only one illusion left, and that is the Archbishop of Canterbury.
SYDNEY SMITH Any communication between a priest and the archbishop is personal and confidential. But obviously th...
DENNIS MCGRATH No formal course in fiction-writing can equal a close and observant perusal of the stories of Edgar ...
H. P. LOVECRAFT All we can do [to come back from this loss] is work hard in practice. We have a game against [Archbi...
MICHAEL JORDAN blackmagic on a person http://www.astrodost.com/how-to-do-black-magic-on-a-person blackmagic on a pe...
ASTRODOST I'm a big fish eater. Salmon - I love salmon. My sister loves Chinese food and sushi and all tha...
ELLE FANNING The only time I really eat out is when I'm on the road. Then, I make the same choices that I wou...
YOLANDA ADAMS A fisherman who just caught a huge salmon reels the fish in, looks at the fish and says 'I am taking...
ANONYMOUS PRIMATE, n. The head of a church, especially a State church supported by involuntary contributions. ...
AMBROSE BIERCE They say that a part of you dies when a special Loved One passes away...I disagree...I say a part of...
DANIEL YANEZ The weather couldn't get much worse than what we had last Saturday. We were running up the lake and ...
LONNIE STANLEY In my time as Archbishop of Canterbury I've seen a growing sense of unity and mission.
GEORGE CAREY When a child dies, a parent loses a part of themselves,” he said. “Your whole world ceases to ex...
NICOLE WILLIAMS No one, I fancy, would discredit a story that the Archbishop of Canterbury slipped on a banana skin ...
J.R.R. TOLKIEN To give up a shorthanded goal at that point was just devastating. I made a bad pass on that one and ...
DARIN OLVER I normally work out six days a week. I'll do Pilates on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays, and ...
RACHEL NICHOLS I am not holier than you, you are not holier than me. Any one who thinks he is holier than the rest ...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA Archbishop -- A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
H. L. MENCKEN Archbishop - A Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
H. L. MENCKEN Archbishop: a Christian ecclesiastic of a rank superior to that attained by Christ.
H. L. MENCKEN We are also working on the restoration of salmon runs, and we are doing a new process of mass markin...
NORM DICKS You have to kill to survive. People have been doing it forever. I eat meat, and I eat fish. If I wer...
BENICIO DEL TORO Feast of Anskar, Archbishop of Hamburg, Missionary to Denmark and Sweden, 865 The Church is an or...
C. STACEY WOODS I cook a great fish, a great salmon. I grill it, get the skin nice and crispy.
BILL RANCIC You must have traveled all night,” she heard herself say.
“I had to come back early.” Sh...
LISA KLEYPAS Girl! I'm here to make you look Fa-Bu-Lous!
FAKE CINNA I don't know when a new archbishop will be named, but I am sure the process is well under way.
JOSEPH ZWILLING I'm not going to make that judgement. I'm not the archbishop.
DENNIS MCGRATH Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for a lifetime. Tea...
JAY LENO There's different things (training) on different days. Mondays and Wednesdays we run at another faci...
MILES AUSTIN I normally eat everything under the sun, but once a year, for a whole month, I eat nothing but fruit...
ELIZABETH MITCHELL By confusing strategy with tactics and mixing up “what” and “how”, we may have a hard time s...
ERIK PEVERNAGIE As an adolescent I aspired to lasting fame, I craved factual certainty, and I thirsted for a meaning...
M. CARTMILL Commemoration of Theodore of Tarsus, Archbishop of Canterbury, 690 I find more marks of authent...
ISAAC NEWTON The storms come and go, the waves crash overhead, the big fish eat the little fish, and I keep on pa...
GEORGE R.R. MARTIN One guy used up 572 hours in September, ... If you bring a bunch of 500-pound guys into an all-you-c...
CHARLES ARDAI Everything had to be debated up, down and sideways. People were good, they came to understandings an...
JULIAN FANTINO When a lot of voices, make up a noise, the man who is silent represents a voice.
APURVA GAGLANI That was a lot closer game than the final score would indicate, and with a new coach (Jim Goff) who ...
DENNIS GOLDEN I am not hlier than you, you are not holier than me. Any one who thinks he is holier than the rest d...
BANGAMBIKI HABYARIMANA I get a lot done on Fridays,
CHAN GAILEY I remember seeing my father only twice as a child for brief visits. As I grew up, I invented a fathe...
KATHRYN HARRISON At one point, we had a father and two sons on a porch, and they were having a barbecue, and they tol...
JOSEPH DEFILLIPO Most fresh-water fish eat water fleas at some point in their lives. They are an important food sourc...
DEREK J. TAYLOR There is no scientific evidence that escaped farmed salmon interferes with the wild salmon gene pool...
ANGUS MACMILLAN The Jackdaw sat in the Cardinal's chair! Bishop and Abbot and Prior were there, Many a monk an...
RICHARD HARRIS BARHAM There are days I'll have everything planned out and something will break an hour before the show and...
DRAKE ANDERSON I think we are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find ...
JOAN DIDION The cruising life isn't for all of us. It isn't even for most
of us, but it is for some of us, ...
JIM TREFETHEN A small pepperoni pizza on a tortilla is healthier than salmon teriyaki with rice and carrots.
JORGE CRUISE The ocean," I said, "look at it out there, battering, crawling up and down. And underneath all that,...
CHARLES BUKOWSKI What I think is that we in the church - and especially I as an Archbishop - I'm responsible for ...
GEORGE CAREY Why does man not see things? He is himself standing in the way: he conceals things.
FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE It appeared to Harriet that she was always the one who remembered having seen other people. They nev...
ELIZABETH TAYLOR I only eat fish - no chicken, no turkey, just fish. I get all my protein from fish and egg whites.
JACK LALANNE We're here to revive a very ancient tradition where the laity are intimately involved in the designa...
JIM JENKINS We used to have an average of 75 seniors on Fridays. Now we're up to an average of 100.
LINDA LOVELACE CONNOISSEUR, n. A specialist who knows everything about something and nothing about anything else.
AMBROSE BIERCE We were on the starboard side in formation. When we broke ranks I tried to find a good spot and I ju...
LEO LATLIP Sun shines on my back as I walk away
Sun shines on my chest and I return
The fall air is c...
BRENT M. JONES Yeah, I think that's easier for B.T.. Brittney can score more when she's on the wing, and it's easie...
JANISHA GEARLDS A great number of people wake up each morning with the thought of not just how to pay back, but how ...
ERNEST AGYEMANG YEBOAH Even when I was Archbishop of Wales and working with new bishops, I used to say, not realising quite...
ROWAN WILLIAMS Nixon was a bad loser. He hated losing worse than death, and that is why I enjoyed him. We were both...
HUNTER S. THOMPSON Doctrinal rightness and rightness of ecclesiastical position are important, but only as a starting p...
FRANCIS SCHAEFFER Doctrinal rightness and rightness of ecclesiastical position are important, but only as a starting p...
FRANCIS SCHAEFFER Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Give a fish a man, and he'll eat for weeks!
, ANIMAL CROSSING: WILD WORLD, 2005 I eat a lot of fruit because if I fill up on strawberries or an apple, then I'll have one small ...
TOM FRIEDEN Give a man a fish, and he'll eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he'll eat forever.
CHINESE PROVERB On Monday and Thursday, I eat fewer than 500 calories a day; then I eat like a pig for the other fiv...
JIMMY KIMMEL Feast of Janani Luwum, Archbishop of Uganda, Martyr, 1977 The principal part of faith is patienc...
GEORGE MACDONALD Sitcoms are more like stage drama than anything else on film - more than a one-hour and certainly mo...
THOMAS GIBSON There'll be a whole lot of things you ain't gonna want to do, but you'll have to do in this life jus...
MILDRED D. TAYLOR You may fall down when you dance on the edge but edge is the source of all miracles and mystery.
AMIT RAY We had over 800 people here on Tuesday. There were lots of kids on spring break and they were catchi...
ALLEN FORSHAGE Mobile is a seaport town, and we ate a lot of seafood. We'd go fishing, we'd catch our fish ...
BILLY WILLIAMS I do all the cooking in our family. I'm a utilitarian cook, rather than an adventurous one - I o...
PATRICK DUFFY I'm on this diet where you're supposed to eat only fish and meat.
LASSE HALLSTROM When I first got called up last year, J.J. and I were basically the only two guys on the team (that ...
RICKIE WEEKS Mothers yielding Bibles, contemplating smearing the blood of lamb chops over her doorway. Anything t...
ANTONIA PERDU Whenever someone says the word "month" to me, I call up an empty square filled with other empty squa...
PATRICIA LOCKWOOD We were young and making money playing rock 'n' roll. We were on national television and girls were ...
CARL GIAMMARESE In the rough-and-tumble play of politics, dog-whistle messages are copiously dispatched over the hea...
ERIK PEVERNAGIE Although I cannot see your face
As you flip these poems awhile,
Somewhere from some far-of...
SHEL SILVERSTEIN Bhulaney ke liay bhi tujhy yaad tu kerna hoga,
Magar her yaad se hain wabasta teri hazaar baata...
HUSEYN RAZA This year the fish numbers aren't looking too good. If we were to allow a regular harvesting season,...
TODD UNGERECHT Rehashing the past wouldn't change anything. Time to move forward.
ZENA WYNN You're still lovely," Mor said a bit gently.
Elain offered a half smile. "I suppose that war m...
SARAH J. MAAS Why should I shatter your wonderful fantasy with my boring reality? ~ Evie Snow
CARRIE HOPE FLETCHER One of the reasons I think Dark Shadows still runs is that it's dependent on nothing else other ...
DAVID SELBY I had the fish on a rope at the end of the dock, and I told John to pull the rope up because at the ...
MIKE LONG Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will eat for the rest of his...
CHINESE PROVERB But I love fish, cheese and meat, and I eat everything, but only in small quantities if it's ric...
EVA HERZIGOVA We wanted a place to cook, sleep, eat and work on one floor and it became apparent we couldn't do al...
JOE HALE Daiginjos tend to be the cleanest and the fullest at the same time. For those kind of sakes, you don...
LARRY STONE You eat and sleep it all day long and play on the streets until mom calls you in. My story is no dif...
ADAM OATES

More Ambrose Bierce

Destiny: A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Belladonna, n.: In Italian a beautiful lady; in English a deadly poison. A striking example of the e...
AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce: a resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE Death is not the end. There remains the litigation over the estate.
AMBROSE BIERCE Immortality: A toy which people cry for, And on their knees apply for, Dispute, contend and lie for,...
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigation: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Suffrage, noun. Expression of opinion by means of a ballot. The right of suffrage (which is held to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Laziness. Unwarranted repose of manner in a person of low degree.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n.: garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Doubt is the father of invention.
AMBROSE BIERCE Life - a spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE Men become civilized, not in proportion to their willingness to believe, but in proportion to their ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Cabbage: a familiar kitchen-garden vegetable about as large and wise as a man's head.
AMBROSE BIERCE Photograph: a picture painted by the sun without instruction in art.
AMBROSE BIERCE Cynic, n: a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation, n.: The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Clairvoyant, n.: A person, commonly a woman, who has the power of seeing that which is invisible to ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Liberty:one of imaginations most precious possessions.
AMBROSE BIERCE Quoting: the act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Day, n. A period of twenty-four hours, mostly misspent.
AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against our fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimist: a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant: a person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bone.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean: A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE OCEAN, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man -- who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE ZEAL, n. A certain nervous disorder afflicting the young and inexperienced. A passion that goeth b...
AMBROSE BIERCE For every man there is something in the vocabulary that would stick to him like a second skin. His e...
AMBROSE BIERCE Education, n.: That which discloses the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understand...
AMBROSE BIERCE Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Quotation, n: The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Speak when you are angry and you will make the best speech you will ever regret.
AMBROSE BIERCE You don't have to be stupid to be a Christian, ... but it probably helps.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ocean, n. A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man — who has no g...
AMBROSE BIERCE Fidelity. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE Incompatibility. In matrimony a similarity of tastes, particularly the taste for domination.
AMBROSE BIERCE The world has suffered more from the ravages of ill-advised marriages than from virginity.
AMBROSE BIERCE Marriage. The state or condition of a community consisting of a master, a mistress and two slaves, m...
AMBROSE BIERCE Bride. A woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE What is a democrat? One who believes that the republicans have ruined the country. What is a republi...
AMBROSE BIERCE Nominee. A modest gentleman shrinking from the distinction of private life and diligently seeking th...
AMBROSE BIERCE Learning. The kind of ignorance distinguishing the studious.
AMBROSE BIERCE Consult. To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Happiness is an agreeable sensation, arising from contemplating the misery of others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Life. A spiritual pickle preserving the body from decay.
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance: a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor or obscure, and intimate ...
AMBROSE BIERCE An acquaintance is someone we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE A temporary insanity curable by marriage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty. The power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE Let me tell you what a writer is. A writer takes comprehensive views, holds large convictions, makes...
AMBROSE BIERCE Corporation. An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.
AMBROSE BIERCE Don't steal; thou it never thus compete successfully in business. Cheat.
AMBROSE BIERCE Philanthropist. A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his co...
AMBROSE BIERCE Age. That period of life in which we compound for the vices that remain by reviling those we have no...
AMBROSE BIERCE Success is the one unpardonable sin against one's fellows.
AMBROSE BIERCE Education is that which discloses to the wise and disguises from the foolish their lack of understan...
AMBROSE BIERCE Destiny. A tyrant's authority for crime and a fool's excuse for failure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Edible. Good to eat and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake to a pi...
AMBROSE BIERCE Knowledge is the small part of ignorance that we arrange and classify.
AMBROSE BIERCE Erudition. Dust shaken out of a book into an empty skull.
AMBROSE BIERCE Saint. A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE Insurrection. An unsuccessful revolution; disaffection's failure to substitute misrule for bad gover...
AMBROSE BIERCE Revolution is an abrupt change in the form of misgovernment.
AMBROSE BIERCE Impiety. Your irreverence toward my deity.
AMBROSE BIERCE Deliberation. The act of examining one's bread to determine which side it is buttered on.
AMBROSE BIERCE Take not God's name in vain; select a time when it will have effect.
AMBROSE BIERCE A prejudice is a vagrant opinion without visible means of support.
AMBROSE BIERCE Bigot, one who is obstinately and zealously attached to an opinion that you do not entertain.
AMBROSE BIERCE Pray: To ask the laws of the universe to be annulled on behalf of a single petitioner confessedly un...
AMBROSE BIERCE Eulogy. Praise of a person who has either the advantages of wealth and power, or the consideration t...
AMBROSE BIERCE Admiration; is our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.
AMBROSE BIERCE To bother about the best method of accomplishing an accidental result.
AMBROSE BIERCE A route of many roads leading from nowhere to nothing.
AMBROSE BIERCE All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
AMBROSE BIERCE A lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves a glorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE Peace, in international affairs, is a period of cheating between two periods of fighting.
AMBROSE BIERCE Patience, n. A minor form of dispair, disguised as a virtue.
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE An optimist is a proponent of the doctrine that black is white.
AMBROSE BIERCE They say that hens do cackle loudest when there is nothing vital in the eggs they have laid.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Heaven lies about us in our infancy and the world begins lying about us pretty soon afterward.
AMBROSE BIERCE As records of courts and justice are admissible, it can easily be proved that powerful and malevolen...
AMBROSE BIERCE Before undergoing a surgical operation, arrange your temporal affairs. You may live.
AMBROSE BIERCE Politeness -- The most acceptable hypocrisy.
AMBROSE BIERCE A man is known by the company he organizes.
AMBROSE BIERCE Logic, n. The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapaciti...
AMBROSE BIERCE Enthusiasm. A distemper of youth, curable by small doses of repentance in connection with outward ap...
AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than me.
AMBROSE BIERCE An egotist is a person interested in himself than in me!
AMBROSE BIERCE Duty. That which sternly impels us in the direction of profit, along the line of desire.
AMBROSE BIERCE Opiate. An unlocked door in the prison of Identity. It leads into the jail yard.
AMBROSE BIERCE Insurance: An ingenious modern game of chance in which the player is permitted to enjoy the comforta...
AMBROSE BIERCE Backbite. To speak of a man as you find him when he can't find you.
AMBROSE BIERCE Alien. An American sovereign in his probationary state.
AMBROSE BIERCE Miss: A title with which we brand unmarried women to indicate that they are in the market. Miss, Mis...
AMBROSE BIERCE Witticism. A sharp and clever remark, usually quoted and seldom noted; what the Philistine is please...
AMBROSE BIERCE Wit. The salt with which the American humorist spoils his intellectual cookery by leaving it out.
AMBROSE BIERCE A body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man, who has no gills.
AMBROSE BIERCE Impartial. Unable to perceive any promise of personal advantage from espousing either side of a cont...
AMBROSE BIERCE Dog. A kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the worl...
AMBROSE BIERCE Physician -- One upon whom we set our hopes when ill and our dogs when well.
AMBROSE BIERCE Divorce. A resumption of diplomatic relations and rectification of boundaries.
AMBROSE BIERCE Consul. In American politics, a person who having failed to secure an office from the people is give...
AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscien...
AMBROSE BIERCE A cynic is a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, and not as they ought to be.
AMBROSE BIERCE Confidante. One entrusted by A with the secrets of B confided to herself by C.
AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE Future. That period of time in which our affairs prosper, our friends are true and our happiness is ...
AMBROSE BIERCE A funeral is a pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker.
AMBROSE BIERCE An accident is an inevitable occurrence due to the actions of immutable natural laws.
AMBROSE BIERCE To apologize is to lay the foundation for a future offense.
AMBROSE BIERCE An account, mostly false, of events, mostly unimportant, which are brought about by rulers, mostly k...
AMBROSE BIERCE Historian. A broad -- gauge gossip.
AMBROSE BIERCE Habit is a shackle for the free.
AMBROSE BIERCE Laughter -- An interior convulsion, producing a distortion of the features and accompanied by inarti...
AMBROSE BIERCE Litigant. A person about to give up his skin for the hope of retaining his bones.
AMBROSE BIERCE Appeal. In law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.
AMBROSE BIERCE Trial. A formal inquiry designed to prove and put upon record the blameless characters of judges, ad...
AMBROSE BIERCE Experience is a revelation in the light of which we renounce our errors of youth for those of age.
AMBROSE BIERCE Experience. The wisdom that enables us to recognize in an undesirable old acquaintance the folly tha...
AMBROSE BIERCE The act of repeating erroneously the words of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE PROPHECY, n. The art and practice of selling one's credibility for future delivery.
AMBROSE BIERCE When in Rome, do as Rome does.
AMBROSE BIERCE To be positive: to be mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Censor, n. An officer of certain governments, employed to supress the works of genius. Among the Rom...
AMBROSE BIERCE Bore -- a person who talks when you wish him to listen.
AMBROSE BIERCE Ambition. An overmastering desire to be vilified by enemies while living and made ridiculous by frie...
AMBROSE BIERCE Irreligion. The principal one of the great faiths of the world.
AMBROSE BIERCE Faith: Belief without evidence in what is told by one who speaks without knowledge, of things withou...
AMBROSE BIERCE Architect. One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
AMBROSE BIERCE Genealogy. An account of one's descent from an ancestor who did not particularly care to trace his o...
AMBROSE BIERCE Absurdity. A statement or belief manifestly inconsistent with one's own opinion.
AMBROSE BIERCE Abstainer. A weak man who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.
AMBROSE BIERCE Woman absent is woman dead.
AMBROSE BIERCE The covers of this book are too far apart.
AMBROSE BIERCE Abscond. To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.
AMBROSE BIERCE Creditor. One of a tribe of savages dwelling beyond the Financial Straits and dreaded for their deso...
AMBROSE BIERCE A coward is one who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE Conservative. A statesman who is enamored of existing evils, as distinguished from a Liberal, who wi...
AMBROSE BIERCE The Senate is a body of old men charged with high duties and misdemeanors.
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction of ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Alliance. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserte...
AMBROSE BIERCE ALLIANCE, n. In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply in...
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance is a degree of friendship called slight when its object is poor and obscure, and intima...
AMBROSE BIERCE ARSENIC, n. A kind of cosmetic greatly affected by the ladies, whom it greatly affects in turn."Eat ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction o...
AMBROSE BIERCE Convent. A place of retirement for women who wish for leisure to meditate upon the sin of idleness.
AMBROSE BIERCE Religion. A daughter of Hope and Fear, explaining to Ignorance the nature of the Unknowable.
AMBROSE BIERCE International arbitration may be defined as the substitution of many burning questions for a smoulde...
AMBROSE BIERCE DIPLOMACY, n. Lying in state, or the patriotic art of lying for one's country.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds. Misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE Calamities are of two kinds: misfortune to ourselves, and good fortune to others.
AMBROSE BIERCE A bride is a woman with a fine prospect of happiness behind her.
AMBROSE BIERCE Painting, n.: The art of protecting flat surfaces from the weather, and exposing them to the critic.
AMBROSE BIERCE There are 4 kinds of Homicide: felonious, excusable, justifiable, and praiseworthy.
AMBROSE BIERCE FIDELITY, n. A virtue peculiar to those who are about to be betrayed.
AMBROSE BIERCE ZOOLOGY, n. The science and history of the animal kingdom, including its king, the House Fly ("Mus...
AMBROSE BIERCE HIPPOGRIFF, n. An animal (now extinct) which was half horse and half griffin. The griffin was a com...
AMBROSE BIERCE ZENITH, n. The point in the heavens directly overhead to a man standing or a growing cabbage. A m...
AMBROSE BIERCE YANKEE, n. In Europe, an American. In the Northern States of our Union, a New Englander. In the So...
AMBROSE BIERCE Hypocrisy: prejudice with a halo
AMBROSE BIERCE Forgetfulness. A gift of God bestowed upon debtors in compensation for their destitution of conscie...
AMBROSE BIERCE One who is in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.
AMBROSE BIERCE OBSESSED, p.p. Vexed by an evil spirit, like the Gadarene swine and other critics. Obsession was onc...
AMBROSE BIERCE Optimism. The doctrine or belief that everything is beautiful, including what is ugly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Women and foxes, being weak, are distinguished by superior tact.
AMBROSE BIERCE Saint: A dead sinner revised and edited.
AMBROSE BIERCE QUEEN, n. A woman by whom the realm is ruled when there is a king, and through whom it is ruled wh...
AMBROSE BIERCE When you are ill make haste to forgive your enemies, for you may recover.
AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity seems destined to play a most important part in the arts and industries. The question of...
AMBROSE BIERCE Electricity is the power that causes all natural phenomena not known to be caused by something else.
AMBROSE BIERCE ECCENTRICITY, n. A method of distinction so cheap that fools employ it to accentuate their incapaci...
AMBROSE BIERCE LAND, n. A part of the earth's surface, considered as property. The theory that land is property s...
AMBROSE BIERCE The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.
AMBROSE BIERCE Birth: The first and direst of all disasters.
AMBROSE BIERCE Dawn: When men of reason go to bed.
AMBROSE BIERCE Politics: A strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. The conduct of public affai...
AMBROSE BIERCE Amnesty, n. The state's magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
AMBROSE BIERCE Patriotism. Combustible rubbish ready to the torch of any one ambitious to illuminate his name.
AMBROSE BIERCE Admiral. That part of a warship which does the talking while the figurehead does the thinking.
AMBROSE BIERCE Famous, adj.: Conspicuously miserable.
AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Mad, adj. Affected with a high degree of intellectual independence.
AMBROSE BIERCE Edible, adj.: Good to eat, and wholesome to digest, as a worm to a toad, a toad to a snake, a snake ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Jealous, adj. Unduly concerned about the preservation of that which can be lost only if not worth ke...
AMBROSE BIERCE Dog - a kind of additional or subsidiary Deity designed to catch the overflow and surplus of the wor...
AMBROSE BIERCE Acquaintance. A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.
AMBROSE BIERCE Perseverance - a lowly virtue whereby mediocrity achieves an inglorious success.
AMBROSE BIERCE Logic: The art of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities ...
AMBROSE BIERCE Prescription: A physician's guess at what will best prolong the situation with least harm to the...
AMBROSE BIERCE Lawsuit: A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage.
AMBROSE BIERCE Compromise, n. Such an adjustment of conflicting interests as gives each adversary the satisfaction ...
AMBROSE BIERCE The best thing to do with the best things in life is to give them up.
AMBROSE BIERCE TELEPHONE n. An invention of the devil which abrogates some of the advantages of making a disagreeab...
AMBROSE BIERCE Egotist, n. A person of low taste, more interested in himself than in me.
AMBROSE BIERCE Positive, adj.: Mistaken at the top of one's voice.
AMBROSE BIERCE Beauty, n: the power by which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sweater, n. Garment worn by child when its mother is feeling chilly.
AMBROSE BIERCE Sabbath - a weekly festival having its origin in the fact that God made the world in six days and wa...
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