A handicap is only if you let it be a handicap.

Old is when people compliment your alligator shoes, and you're not wearing any.

When you go into court you are putting your fate into the hands of twelve people who weren't smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Every city you go to has television and radio talk shows that are dying to give young comics a showcase. They all want to be able to say that so-and-so started here, got his first break on this show.

It was a melting pot in Las Vegas. You got every age level, every ethnic background, every social aura - it was an absolute Americana audience... people who were there to celebrate occasions; people who were there to gamble; people who were there because they were awed by the whole Vegas operation. Tourists.

'USA Today' once did a big article called, 'Who said it? Was it Norm or George Bush?' They had quotes of mine and quotes of his, and they went to some congressmen and senators and said, 'Who said it?' It was hysterical.