A bad workman quarrels with the man who calls him that.

MAN, n. An animal so lost in rapturous contemplation of what he thinks he is as to overlook what he indubitably ought to be. His chief occupation is extermination of other animals and his own species, which, however, multiplies with such insistent rapidity as to infest the whole habitable earh and Canada.When the world was young and Man was new, And everything was pleasant, Distinctions Nature never drew'Mongst kings and priest and peasant. We're not that way at present, Save here in this Republic, where We have that old regime, For all are kings, however bare Their backs, howe'er extreme Their hunger. And, indeed, each has a voice To accept the tyrant of his party's choice.A citizen who would not vote, And, therefore, was detested, Was one day with a tarry coat(With feathers backed and breasted) By patriots invested."It is your duty," cried the crowd,"Your ballot true to cast For the man o' your choice." He humbly bowed, And explained his wicked past:"That's what I very gladly would have done, Dear patriots, but he has never run." --Apperton Duke

TECHNICALITY, n. In an English court a man named Home was tried for slander in having accused his neighbor of murder. His exact words were: "Sir Thomas Holt hath taken a cleaver and stricken his cook upon the head, so that one side of the head fell upon one shoulder and the other side upon the other shoulder." The defendant was acquitted by instruction of the court, the learned judges holding that the words did not charge murder, for they did not affirm the death of the cook, that being only an inference.

GRAMMAR, n. A system of pitfalls thoughtfully prepared for the feet for the self-made man, along the path by which he advances to distinction.

ROBBER, n. A candid man of affairs. It is related of Voltaire that one night he and some traveling companion lodged at a wayside inn. The surroundings were suggestive, and after supper they agreed to tell robber stories in turn. "Once there was a Farmer-General of the Revenues." Saying nothing more, he was encouraged to continue. "That," he said, "is the story."

ELECTOR, n. One who enjoys the sacred privilege of voting for the man of another man's choice.