. . .to me the outdoors is what you have to pass through in order to get from your apartment into a taxicab.


Fran Lebowitz

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The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. -Fran Lebowitz.
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In the Soviet Union, capitalism triumphed over communism. In this country, capitalism triumphed over...
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I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play...
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I never took hallucinogenic drugs because I never wanted my consciousness expanded one unnecessary i...
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Humility is no substitute for a good personality.
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat.
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If you're going to America, bring your own food.
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Food is an important part of a balanced diet.
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Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.
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Twenty-four-hour room service generally refers to the length of time that it takes for the club sand...
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If men knew all that women think, they'd be twenty times more daring.
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Only the little people pay taxes.
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Having been unpopular in high school is not just cause for book publications.
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Original thought is like original sin: both happened before you were born to people you could not ...
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If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater. . . suggest that he wear a tail.
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Being a woman is of special interest only to aspiring male transsexuals. To actual women it is merel...
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Radio news is bearable. This is due to the fact that while the news is being broadcast the disc jock...
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Abandon the search for Truth; settle for a good fantasy
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The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting. -Fran Lebowitz.
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My desire to curtail undue freedom of speech extends only to such public areas as restaurants, airpo...
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If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic natur...
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As a teenager you are at the last stage in your life when you will be happy to hear that the phone i...
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When you leave New York, you are astonished at how clean the rest of the world is. Clean is not enou...
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Andy Warhol made fame more famous.
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polite conversation is rarely either
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Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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If your sexual fantasies were truly of interest to others, they would no longer be fantasies.
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I do not believe in God. I believe in cashmere.
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If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something.
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Favorite animal: steak.
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I figure you have the same chance of winning the lottery whether you play or not.
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Your life story would not make a good book. Don't even try.
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Success didn't spoil me, I've always been insufferable.
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Special-interest publications should realize that if they are attracting enough advertising and read...
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No animal should ever jump up on the dining-room furniture unless absolutely certain that he can hol...
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My favorite animal is steak.
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Polite conversation is rarely either.
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Being offended is a natural consequence of leaving the house
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Spilling your guts is just exactly as charming as it sounds.
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Sarcasm: what they have in New York instead of jacuzzis.
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Perhaps the least cheering statement ever made on the subject of art is that life imitates it.
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فكر قبل أن تتكلم، واقرأ قبل أن تفكر
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Sleep is death without the responsibility.
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There's no such thing as advice to the lovelorn. If they took advice, they wouldn't be lovelorn.
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I often used to say, the more parties there were for a book, the worse the book was.
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A salad is not a meal. It is a style.
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Nothing succeeds like address
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If you can stay in love for more than two years, you're on something
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London - A place you go to get bronchitis
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Don't bother discussing sex with small children. They rarely have anything to add.
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The best fame is a writer's fame. It's enough to get a table at a good restaurant, but not enough to...
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Do not allow children to mix drinks. It is unseemly and they use too much vermouth.
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Bread that must be sliced with an axe is bread that is too nourishing
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Never judge a cover by its book.
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Women who insist upon having the same options as men would do well to consider the option of being t...
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Vegetables are interesting but lack a sense of purpose when unaccompanied by a good cut of meat
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If you read a lot, nothing is as great as you've imagined. Venice is -- Venice is better.
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Life is something to do when you can't get to sleep
FRAN LEBOWITZ
Notoriously insensitive to subtle shifts in moods, children will persist in discussing the color of ...
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If you removed all of the homosexuals and homosexual influence from what is generally regarded as Am...
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Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it b...
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There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness and death.
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Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.
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Magazines all too frequently lead to books and should be regarded by the prudent as the heavy pettin...
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If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract t...
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There's no equivalent to Mozart in writing.
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Reading is better than life. Without reading, you're stuck with life.
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If you're going to America, bring your own food.
FRAN LEBOWITZ
Nature does not loathe virtue: it is unaware of its existence.
FRAN
Offer hugs, not drugs.
ADINA LEBOWITZ
If you wait for the right time or the good times to start a business, you wait all your life.
FRAN TARKENTON
Well, my favorite color I guess I would say yellow.
FRAN DRESCHER
Television isn't my career. Business is.
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What's so wonderful about football and business and show business is that every time I start thi...
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You know, quarterbacks, I think greatness in quarterbacks is taking what you've got, whether it&...
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In sports, teams win and individuals don't.
FRAN TARKENTON
The greatness of America is capitalism, free market capitalism. The exceptionalism of American busin...
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That's how I judge a quarterback: Either you make plays or you don't. I don't even want ...
FRAN TARKENTON
The pro athlete is a sad tale. He signs a big contract and thinks he's set for life. I didn'...
FRAN TARKENTON
You can only learn by opening yourself up to engage with different sources of information. How can y...
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Ignoring facts does not make them go away.
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Great quarterbacks, good quarterbacks, make plays.
FRAN TARKENTON
There are actors who aren't on the cover of magazines but still decide what work they want and w...
FRAN KRANZ
As a professional actor, I don't have much choice about what I've gotten into. I tend to be ...
FRAN KRANZ
I wanted to be an actor from a young age, but actually becoming one and seen the ugly side of the wo...
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I know that I've played a lot of comedic roles. It's a visual medium. When you get one role,...
FRAN KRANZ
It's a rare thing when you read a role and have this immediate ownership over it, you have this ...
FRAN KRANZ
When I was a kid, I would make these incredibly bloody movies in my back yard. I was constantly maki...
FRAN KRANZ
That's what I love about acting, is playing different roles. I want to work for the character, a...
FRAN KRANZ
Horror is so often a 'thinkless' genre, sort of considered popcorn movies, but you really pu...
FRAN KRANZ
I'm not the biggest comic book fan.
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I mean, horror films in general put humans in these awful supernatural or horrible situations, but &...
FRAN KRANZ
Every time you go to the doctor and get a good report, the odds keep staking more in your favour.
FRAN DRESCHER
I'm very involved in the writing on every level.
FRAN DRESCHER
Well I could have been just a writer. I had been a hair dresser. I could have stuck with that.
FRAN DRESCHER
I have very eclectic taste in music, but when it comes to going to concerts, I like going to rock co...
FRAN DRESCHER
Though I'm not religious in the classical sense I did partake in Passover.
FRAN DRESCHER
I have been dairy free for several years, and I started because I felt it was going to reduce my all...
FRAN DRESCHER
Well, every time I get ready to do a job I want to lose weight.
FRAN DRESCHER
I had my moments when I got very frightened that I would not recover.
FRAN DRESCHER
My clothes are predominately black and my home is predominantly white.
FRAN DRESCHER
I did a terrible television pilot that was so badly written and dumb that it became a turning point ...
FRAN DRESCHER
It was a small provincial place with great people and I had a happy childhood growing up in Queens.
FRAN DRESCHER
I told her I wanted a plastic surgeon to sew me up, and I wanted her to freeze my ovaries, so I coul...
FRAN DRESCHER
Being famous gets me good concert tickets, good tables in restaurants, good seats at sporting events...
FRAN DRESCHER
You know I think that going into therapy is a very positive thing, and talking about it is really he...
FRAN DRESCHER
I've lived, laughed, lost, and loved again the whole Shakespearian thing.
FRAN DRESCHER
I like to cook, walk on the beach, go to concerts and look at fine art.
FRAN DRESCHER
Since my illness, I've felt the presence of my angels.
FRAN DRESCHER
If we don't empower ourselves with knowledge, then we're gonna be led down a garden path.
FRAN DRESCHER
I've gone very far, far away, but my character keeps me close to home.
FRAN DRESCHER
Life is precious and there's not a lot of room for anger.
FRAN DRESCHER
I choose the places I go to carefully and wisely. I'll rarely go to a shopping mall anymore.
FRAN DRESCHER
If I go to a concert or sporting event I usually go in a VIP entrance. And leave the same way.
FRAN DRESCHER
And remember, it's also very funny, because side by side with grief lies joy.
FRAN DRESCHER
Success, in my view, is the willingness to strive for something you really want. The person not reac...
FRAN TARKENTON
None of us really pushes hard enough.
FRAN TARKENTON
People don't change their behavior unless it makes a difference for them to do so.
FRAN TARKENTON
If football taught me anything about business, it is that you win the game one play at a time.
FRAN TARKENTON
The actors I respect are the real character actors, who are the real chameleon actors that completel...
FRAN KRANZ
Once you wake up and smell the coffee, it's hard to go back to sleep.
FRAN DRESCHER
People lived in the same apartments for years. You'd meet a group of kids in kindergarten, and y...
FRAN DRESCHER
The New York Times Bestseller 'The Amateur,' written by Ed Klein, former editor of the '...
FRAN TARKENTON